Lovely

I remember as a little girl, opening up the dressing table drawer in my mums room.
It was like the place of treasures; Make up, perfume bottles, notes.. for some reason I was always captivated with its contents.

And today as I sat with God, I saw a picture of an old french worn drawer handle, worn but graceful and I felt the little girl in me whisper “open it up, whats inside?”

And I somehow knowing what inside, was still surprised...

Theres a beautifully inscribed notebook with my name on it and all the details about me. Stories and love notes that God has captured, stories still being written, songs and sometimes just pages with tear drops that need no words, just whispers “Im here”










Theres a rose still wet with yesterdays rain - the one I saw yesterday and longed to pick. The one that reminded me that I too can be as tender as a petal and as sturdy as a bloom in a downpour.

There is an ornament of a mother holding her child, peaceful and radiant. My heart skips as I count through my kids .. and skips a beat when I think again of Poppy. Tears are never far when I think of her. He reminds me once more “Im holding you both”. I wish I could plant a kiss on her tender wee head and I wish my arms could wrap her up. I wish I could feel like I have it all so better sorted with the precious wee ones I can hold. Yet He knows and my heart knows ‘Grace upon grace’.

Theres stitches and glitter and confetti - stars and hearts and tiny diamonds. The delicate details of celebrations, memories, dreams, creations and things that speak to all the dreams He has placed in me. He reminds me - this is the season Fleur. You are living the season I have prepared you for, and I will prepare you for the season to come as you give yourself now to this. Stitch upon stitch. Moment by moment. Day by day.

And then there is a word on a chain:
Lovely.

I pause a moment. I love that word! Its my favourite word in fact.. yet why is it sitting here in my drawer? I am not lovely... surely He knows that, He only needs to flick through the pages of that precious journal and see how many times my life is not lovely.
I open the journal with Him.... where are those pages? Where are those stories? They are gone. Instead tears have blotted ink where my ugliness stood and page after page blends into a pattern that whispers to my heart “Lovely”.

I lift my eyes to meet His and He holds my gaze:
“I create Lovely in all things and you are Lovely to me”.

I open my eyes to the mounds of laundry and dishes in the sink and I realise what He is showing me.. its all lovely to Him.. and as I once again go to bring order, and life, once more to put a meal on the table, once more to wipe the bench while I hold all these longings and dreams and wonderings in my heart.. I hear Him speaking “Lovely”. I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. His approval, his smile, is the loveliest part of my day.

Philippians 4:8 "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Budget Follow Up

Ive had people ask me, not wanting to sound nosey, but also curious.. how am I making my budget work some months on?
I thought Id give some super honest feedback... so those of you who were wanting to ask the questions but didnt want to pry: Here goes!

So we set a weekly budget of $530.
At a breakdown.. that is
$300 food and nappies
$40-50 petrol
and then the rest is for things such as mine and kids clothing, homeschool supplies, Friday fun night, gifts for friends and parents, hair and make up supplies, kids haircuts, small house maintenance items, library (fees for holds, DVD's and fines-of which we always have some!), any subscriptions or downloaded files for personal study.

Ive found this figure pretty realistic to work with and its given me flexibility while also allowing me to plan well for those unavoidable expenses such as the fact that all my kids are nearly due new running shoes.

What didnt work?

Gym membership. At $25 a week it was a pricey sacrifice. I love exercise and the gym had a mountain of equipment, including a pool and spa. However, the class times were always a wrestle with juggling baby Joseph and at the best, I was making it twice a week. Thats $12.50 a time! More to the point, I missed the fresh air and quiet like crazy. The blasting music may do it for most people, but when I had time alone, I just wanted something peaceful. I picked up running again and my Pilates DVD and I am happy.. and am better off financially.

Loyalty.
My favourite ever hairdresser left our local Hair Salon last year. So loyalty in this area wasn't hard to break. I now use Grab One and am quite happy to float the salons. You have to be a bit more vocal as to what you want, precisely, as one salon will differ from another in how they describe colour and cut.. but you aren't going to get a disaster when you're simply getting a natural recolour and a trim.. which is what I do.
Loyalty to brands and products is something to question too .I loved Janesce and used it also for years but its expensive. I googled and did some research and decided to try a much cheaper alternative made in France, and found at Strawberry Net called Bioderma. Its half the price and my skin loves it. Im still entirely loyal to Pure Fiji however.

Trying to cut the grocery budget.
I rarely do this, ever. Theres weeks Ive wanted to try and make do with less food, to use the money for something I want (not need), but it messes with our basic supply rotation and causes me a level of stress while I try and plan meals around missing ingredients (which lets face it, when you're a busy mum, thats totally draining right?!)

Things that absolutely work!

Praying!
When Im off to do the shopping with the kids in tow, I pray. I ask the Lord to help us to be wise, to be creative, to honour dads hard work by being good with our finances. Im not perfect (you ask Sam), but I have a desire to get it right.

Knowing what refreshes you inexpensively.
I think as woman, when were tired, we tend to make expensive mistakes. Not hugely impacting, but budget breaking.
Ive learnt instead to know what things truly refresh me. Im blessed to have a mum who has done some extensive research on the the healing power of beauty, and my own journey has included, noting what is beautiful to my eye. Those are the things that I enjoy. When I reflect on seasons of life where I have felt my best, I see patterns of beauty emerging: self care, rest, creativity and order.
For me those things look like this:
* Flowers. I had Sam plant me roses and flowers that I can cut and pick and enjoy. I will also buy an inexpensive bunch of flowers from Countdown once a fortnight and mix them up with what I have at home and place little arrangements in places that I enjoy: Beside our bed, in the kitchen, by the front door.
* Books. I love recipe books and books that inspire me, on homemaking, cooking and sewing. I use the library extensively. Im a total library nerd in that, if a book I want, is available to loan, I basically float out of the library.
* Walking. When Im shattered, I throw on some make up and something that makes me feel a little bit pretty, and go for a walk. Taking a gentle stroll around the neighbourhood does wonders for me. I try each time to just find one thing thats beautiful - the colour of flowers, the sound of the wind, acorns and leaves fallen to the ground, or a little kids giggle as they play.
* Reading a blog. One of my favourites is Kaunispienielama (A Beautiful Life). Its all in Finnish and even when translated it doesnt make a whole heap of sense, but she captures the beauty of motherhood and life in ways that make you want to slow down, play, and get creative with your kids. Granted there will be times you will wonder if you are devoid of some secret dose of time and mental capacity to come up with ideas.. and you may have the urge to paint your entire house white and dress yourself and your kids in shades of pastel only.. but! If you can keep some reign on reality that these pics are simply SNIPPETS of her world, intended to minister beauty back into your reality: you're winning.
* Order. I need not explain. Having my home looking orderly makes me function a thousand times better and the only way that ever really works is for me to constantly clearing the clutter.
* Writing and Craft. I love to create and I love words.. sometimes the best thing is combining those two are doing something entirely for someone else. Even something small is so life giving!

Writing down everything you spend.
I did this for the first couple of months and it was really good for me. I used an app on my iPhone and overtime I spent a cent, I logged it in under the budget titles. It gave me a much better grasp on those hidden expenses and how things add up: parking, treats etc. It sure made me savvy! I carry around cash with me all the time now in coins, and I set a $1 limit on each kid for treats. After time I found I didnt need to do write it all down, as I had a much better grip on where things were going... that saying, the practise is a good one and I should probably do it again.

Keeping a pinterest page of needs/ wants and not buying at full price.
Case in point: I had my heart set on a beautiful shirt that was $109. I waited a few months and the other day it came on special for $29. I have a personal style page on pinterest but make sure that I only pin things in there where I actually own one or more of the items in the pic. Then I know ways I can realistically work with what I own. I also tend to look for accessories that make an outfit work, rather than new clothes, and when I do buy, I generally order from the UK (Next, M&S etc) as you pay a little more but those items last years down the line.

Pay the Kids.
I don't just buy the kids anything.. they know they can earn things on their wish lists by doing jobs around the home (in addition to their daily chores). It helps me get the house in order and they love earning some money too. Sam has then write down anything they've earned in a little book, and when it accumulates we take them shopping. They know the drill: If they see a toy, they work to earn it.. and Im not having to pay someone outside the home to do what my kids can do.

Putting wings on each others dreams.
I don't have any financial goals such as saving for any large amazing item (sorry), but I do have the goal of creating memories, investing in the lives of others and honouring my hubby. Sam is the visionary financially out of the two of us and quite frankly, I am in awe of him. What a job he does! Knowing that this was never my strong point, I came up with the idea of a budget that related to all things for me. That way, I can keep track of a much smaller picture and leave the bigger picture to him. That saying, he knows my dreams are travel, and I know his is investment. Respecting those things in each other makes the day to day finances run well. Perhaps thats more about communicating with each other, than it is about money per say, but its been our experience the two are very intertwined.

Get great advice.
One of the most enlightening comments someone made to us this year, was to ask us how we were investing in ourselves. It wasn't that we had never thought of it, its just that it always took second priority to everything else financially. Some decisions you will make, won't reflect excellent budgeting and great investing. You may not be mortgage free by 30, but you might be healthier and a better parent because of some choices you made to get the best counselling, go and do a course that totally spins your wheels, or swap the job that you don't like, for a less paying job you love. Get advice and get it from great sources. One of the best moves we made last year was to invite the input from our financial adviser, not just into how we run our money, but what our calling us. We've invited some amazing people around to dinner, and we've asked them questions and had them share their experience and our lives are richer for it.

A faulty oven

I'm sitting here with a sparrow for a company and a coffee.
And my heart feels refreshed.
I was driving here thinking about the way it's hard for me sometimes to not operate in a deficit mode.
I know it's easy to justify that because I have 5 kids, homeschool, sleep training etc...
yet it's never really about what's on our plates is it?

I talked to God about it and He reminded me of something:
Last week the oven in the house we just sold wasn't working. The new owner rung me and explained he'd fiddled with it, had an electrician look at it, swapped the fuses and still it had blown the circuit and wasn't going. Under buyer warranty we would need to pay for a new oven. I reassured him we would absolutely honour our end and asked him if we could take a quick look at it before buying the replacement. I took my handy brother and he checked it still had power and then I saw it.. The oven switch had been turned to automatic. I switched it back to manual and bingo! We had a giggle and I showed him the manual and breathed a sigh of relief.

Funny little story yet you and I aren't too different. When we're not functioning well.., or maybe not at all... Its time to look at our mode of operation.
I smiled as I sensed God whispering to me "flick the switch Fleur"
What does that mean?
Well... His Word says "a single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else"
His perspective, His presence, His whisper is peace and joy regardless of circumstances.

So I'm encouraging my heart today: look for Him! He is good!

My 2016 Resolutions

I loved 2015. The Word the Lord gave us for that year was "enlarge". He did enlarge us.. our hearts, our lives, our capacity and our vision.. and family.
Joseph Edward Cahill. What a gift he is!

And going into 2016 I have been praying and asking God for what word to enter the year in...

I flicked on the radio for all of ten seconds and there was the word... "Clarity".

clarity
noun clar·i·ty \ˈkler-ə-tē, ˈkla-rə-\
Simple Definition of clarity

: the quality of being easily understood
: the quality of being expressed, remembered, understood, etc., in a very exact way
: the quality of being easily seen or heard

Viewing my goals through the eyes of clarity means that theyre not a vague expression of something idealistic or unreachable.
They are a means of seeing through decisions with the perspective of what matters.

Clarity is most present in the light of Christ. And that is foundational to my new years goals. Sam has such a sound understanding of the Word, as a result of three years of study in Bible College. So this year we will read through the Bible in a year together.. and I cant wait to pummel him with questions!

Next is loving others. We have so much to learn from others and we learn from them best, when we love them, when we invite them into our lives. So one of my goals is to once a month, invite someone new for Sunday Lunch.

One of my giftings is writing. I have a love of the written word, and I desire to grow and attain to the purpose for which Jesus has given this to me. I want to establish and grow my skills as an author and set up a blog that Ive been itching to do for quite some time.

I have long had a pile of books that I want to read through, and one of my plans this year is to research and discover more of the foundational principles and wisdom that is available, including undertaking a paper or two in Carey Baptist.

Im so aware that my kids are growing up so fast. My eldest is nearly twelve and you better believe the responsibility sits heavy on Sam and I. Investing in these relationships is so vital. I want to step back this year from the 'ought to' demands on our schedule and purposefully seek to invest in their lives, and into the Kingdom. We are going to make some brave decisions this year!

The most important relationship in my life, outside of Jesus, is my husband and I love him dearly. This year were going to make a point of doing twelve amazing dates, one a month. Something thats just us.

We hear it all the time, 'Take time for You'. Ive already made some great changes to that end. I go to the gym three times a week, Ive started running, walking and doing Pilates. I eat healthy and Im fairly careful with what toxins I have around the home. So the changes I want to make are to get to bed earlier, focus on intermittent fasting and doing small things.. like starting the day with a glass of lemon water while I read the Word.

Each of these spell CLARITY. Christ. Love. Author. Read. Invest. Twelve dates. You.

Today I started the year by buying a new pair of walking shoes, going for a run, and then a swim. While shopping I tried on a pair of shorts for running which had me cringing at the post baby evidence. I shared with Sam what I felt and then showed him my instagram feed and why it depressed me. I told him about this years word "Clarity". He was awesome. He promptly blocked all the images that come up that are not helpful.. and unfollowed me from fitness feeds which he could see throw me into despair. I thanked him. "Thats okay he said, Fleur, clarity helps us make good decisions fast".

Amen.

Just Love

This week I was asking God about whether or not we should go, as a family, to a conference next year that looks pretty amazing.
And so as I was researching and talking it over with hubby, I did what we naturally do, I started pressing the doors open. I didnt get far because the major obstacle I hit, was, where to find accommodation for 2 adults and 5 kids. Put that into any 'Accommodation' search engine and it comes up with "Sorry, we have no spaces". Seriously. The best I could come up with was a camping ground or that hubby and I split up for the week, staying in separate motel rooms with 2 and 3 kids respectively.
Not my idea of a great family bonding time!

Then at last, I found the perfect place. The only place in fact still available! And it was only (drum roll) $2300nz for a week.

I get thats fairly reasonable but here's where the rubber meets the road in my faith. I know thats not a lot of money to God. I know thats not impossible for Him. And I even came up with some pretty awesome scenarios for Him of how He could provide $2300... you know those fall of the back of the truck kind of answers?

Let me go there for a moment...
Do you remember in Childrens Church the story of the family that had nothing, not even a loaf of bread left, and then around the bend a bread truck comes and it just happens that a bunch of loaves fall out the back of the truck and God answers the prayers of the family. Or what about the stories you hear where a missionary needs $10,000 and then they go to the letterbox and theres a cheque for $10000 anonymously given. I love those stories. Ive spent a lifetime hanging off those stories and I probably will till the day I die because thats the God I know and love. He is faithful!!

So you bet ya that I had a whole script written for how God can provide $2300. Here I was trying to pray and Im telling God "oh well you know that Bonus Bonds money, well you could just let me win next month, and it could just happen to be $2300 and that would be so cool! Or wait, you could just have us sell something and we get exactly $2300 for it.

I know I know, my faith reeks of immaturity sometimes. But truly, this was Mrs. Fleur Cahills internal dialogue in prayer time.

And then I picked up the Bible and read Galations 5. "What is important is faith expressing itself in love."

God had a conversation with me He's had a few times now.
"Fleur, you are FULLY RESOURCED for everything I am asking of you right now". Stop and insert your own name and say that back to yourself.

Because we live in a world, in a Christian environment where its tempting to always be looking for the upgrade, the where its happening, the amazing study. And none of these things are bad, they really aren't. In fact, often they are pretty awesome.

However, in looking for the upgrade, we can often miss "what is important".

Operating from a position of realising were FULLY RESOURCED changes everything. Why? Because when you're sitting with the knowledge that God has and will give you all the grace, energy, strength, provision to accomplish His calling on you, it results in action in the now. Its not dependent on whether or not the things YOU perceive you need will arrive, be it a conference, a car, a room or a position. Like dye seeping into fibres, that calling in you will find a way to penetrate the environment regardless.

Have you seen those sort around you?

I have a friend like that. She felt called into Childrens ministry. Well in truth, she just loved kids. She has a bundle of her own but when you wanted to find her in Church, she was in the childrens ministry room.. doing what she loved. Eventually a position became available which she didn't apply for, because it didn't cross her mind... till someone in the childrens ministry team told her she should, so she did. After a few interviews, she was in the childrens ministry room one Sunday and someone said to her "Oh Im sorry you didn't get the job". Her heart sunk. Guess what she did.. served anyway. NOTHING could stop her heart from doing what God had called her to do. The next day she found out she actually did get the job. It was wrong information but oh, what a test huh?!
UNSTOPPABLE!!!
And oh man, she is dynamic in that room and the energy and love that she has for the kids! But if you meet her, you won't be wowed by her position or impressed by her attributes. She's beautiful. But she possesses a beauty that expresses itself in eyes full of tears when you mention something that hits close to her heart. It expresses itself in a smile so warm, that your kids will feel Jesus regardless of the challenges going on in her world.

You want to prove your love is genuine? Let the obstacles and disappointments and things that you dont have be the vehicle by which you love even more. Let the lack be the place where God can shine. Let Him trust you with the little and watch Him grow the great.

If you're like me, and praying about the next thing... remember what is important. Galations 5. Thank God that He has given you everything you already need to love and serve Him and get on doing that which He has already asked of you. He will take care of the rest.... and the script?.... Well that will be nothing like you imagined and will have Gods original glory stamped all over it.

Goals 2015....

In the past few months God has really encouraged me to be my husbands best financial asset. That has been a marriage long goal of mine. Every year, at the top of my New Years Resolutions #Be my husbands best financial asset. Right under #1. Know my maker more. Last year I didn't even bother with writing that resolution list out.. I just rolled my eyes at myself "same list again huh?".
Now Im going to realistic here and point to the fact that I know Im not ridiculous with our finances either. I homeschool and I dont expect a lot of me time. I dont consider myself high maintenance. I like to look nice and I like to find a bargain. But from one month to the next, I really didn't know what the picture looked like overall.

For a while now, Ive felt a sense that God is drawing us deeper into His purposes and to, well, plan.
Thats kind of hard when you dont exactly know what you're planning for (and Im really not being mysterious or allusive here). But I had that prompting one day recently to get serious about it. In prayer, in purpose, in seeking, in planning, in being wise.

So I kept Sam amused late one night.. going through invoices and statements with the mission of knowing where every dollar was being spent... with thoughts such as "I spent HOW MUCH on food that week?" and then I came up with a budget to save money.

So far, its working absolutely fantastic. Ive become the budget queen. If the kids start asking me for things, I pull up the budget.. "see here, that fund is empty right now".. they get it. More importantly, Im learning a heap on the way! And most importantly.. my hubby thinks Im fantastic! :P. Heres some of my tips:

Have a long term goal: I have numerous.. I even have a little account for one of them where I tuck $10 away per week. When Im weighing up on spending on things a little more pricey, holding it up against my goals really helps. For instance, this week I so wanted to get a new running jumper. I also wanted to get a new pair of walking shoes. I decided the jumper wasn't that important next to my goal but decided on the shoes because I know as a mum on the go, I will wear them comfortably a lot.

Be in the office: This is Sams domain, but God told me to just offer, once a week, to help out. Sam was so blessed by that! I knew it was God because at the same time, he told me, to help Sams office a place of blessing, to put some plants there etc. Later that evening, Sam came out to me and said "I think I need to make my office a nicer place to be" and I was able to say "Yeah, God told me that too!". It was pretty cool!

Dont under budget for groceries: This is usually where all my past budgets have come undone. I like eating healthy and healthy isn't cheap. So I set a realistic figure, $300 per week. For a family of 7, one in nappies, Im finding this totally doable.

Give!: This I know seems the opposite of logic.. but giving, I believe, not only honours God but keeps our hearts in tune with the one who provides. Dont give beyond your means however. Thats Biblical.

Keep a record: Every single dollar I spent gets recorded on my Budget app on the iPhone. Its so easy to lose track of the little amounts and the practise of keeping check is vital to managing your finances. I run my app like an envelope system as I dont like carrying around cash.

Look after you, wisely: One year I paid for a gym membership that I probably used 4 times? I was so unmotivated and without the support, I got bored. The next year I joined Dave Jaggs bootcamp and that cost me half the price.. but was an investment worth three times as much. I felt better about fitting into clothes, owned less and was more buoyant, even though I was getting up at 5:30am twice a week. You dont have to spend untold money but do prioritise looking after you.. both in terms of healthy eating and exercise. Trust me, it will save you money in the long run.

Keep a wardrobe want list: I find myself reaching for a few staple items often.. white tops, a bright coloured t shirt, a good fitting pair of jeans. Just the other day, I realised one of my favourite t's is needing to be replaced and Im looking for its identical. Popping it on a want list means Im far less likely to be distracted by on sale items that I know I won't get nearly as much wear out of. Just the other day I saw a t shirt that was blue, down to $15. I liked it.. but $15 isn't cheap if you will lose it in your wardrobe!

Buy online: I buy a lot of things online from overseas as I get so frustrated with clothing that doesn't last. Cheaper NZ brands dont hold up and to be honest, I haven't seen a significant difference in the high end labels here either. But I honestly own things in my wardrobe that I bought 10 or so years ago from UK and are still looking great. I love Next, New Look, Shein and Sports Direct mostly. I love Lorna Jane and Portmans and I try to wait till they have a sale before buying, or google search a discount code. I always find one.

Get the family on board: I set the kids up with their own bank accounts each and have a budget for their 'allowance'. Its not a right, they can earn it, if they want. They have their own cash card and they can spend what is theirs. Oh how bliss it is when they get to the toy aisle.. "mum, can I buy this?".. "do you have the money?". These have lead into awesome conversations about their long term goals too and I am watching them make wise decisions. Im so proud of them!

Bonus Bonds: I love these because once its converted, you have to apply and it takes a few days to get the cash back. It stops the impulse decision making. I have been popping these away to buy Sams Christmas Present but in the interim, the money doesnt show and its not tempting to draw or transfer on it.

These are just some of the tips Ive learnt but Id honestly love to hear more from others. Feel free to add yours!!

The Blameless Man...

"Mark the blameless man".. Psalm 37:37

I love this verse.
I love that were encouraged to 'mark' or 'note' the blameless. The ones who conduct themselves above suspicion.
Something about that really grabs with the beat of my heart.
I wonder what it would look like in our families, if we set about marking for our children, the blameless.
What people would you invite through your doors?
As a family, we've started to note them in our lives and to invite them into our home. We want to hear their testimonies. We want to hear what stories they hold, the things they won't tell without asking. Mostly we want our children to watch them. To see the pattern and rhythm of their lives. To note where they sit each week in Church. To catch their eye, engage in conversation, seek out their counsel.
We want them to be able to draw upon the example of the peace that follows them, when this crazy world throws at us so much.
We've decided to keep a little visitors journal.. The Blameless.. we call it. To record the gems they share and a photo and prayers..
Because Im convinced, that while the world may not always give them the title they are due, that we will one day find, we didn't just entertain the blameless, we also entertained angels.
And I want that kind of presence in my home. Dont you?