Psalm 37

"Wait for the Lord" Waiting for God is a revealing place. Its not a comfortable place. I like to assume to believe its a nice place of meandering about in peaceful valleys while God prepares to take me onto new ground. The truth is, its a place of tensile holding. Its a place of yielding. Its a place of stance ready, eyes fixed, ears attune anticipation of His voice giving your 'go' command. And often, on the lower plains of our perspective, that battle can seem far too imminent than is comfortable. The darts start coming, the strikes are firing out, and while were standing there, waiting for that command, things start falling. A shot lands centre upon my pride. OUCH. I whince and cry out "did you see that God?" "Yes" I look up at Him again for a little reassurance. I brace myself and another comes "whack". I let out a cry. I look up at His face again, feeling a small measure of distrust. "Fear of man, Fleur, its not going to hold" I grip my sword tighter and steady my gaze. I grit my teeth and growl through my clenched jaw. "Im ready now God, and theyre drawing near". "Wait". He says. I glance up to Him, reminding Him how much the battle has already cost me. How much there is at stake. How small I really am. He whispers to me "Come here". I scurry up the bank, eager to get further from the battle, eager to feel safe, and arrive tense and weary at His side. I want to plead and reason, but His face says it all. With a glistening twinkle of joy, He summons me to His side.. "take a peek from up here". I lie down beside His large frame and peer over the edge of the hilltop. From His perspective, the enemy doesnt seem so fearsome. In fact, what I see represents chaos. I look up to Him, confused. I remind Him "theyre still capable of much damage, even in that state!". He loving whispers "they cant touch you". I remind him of the parts of me which still feel raw and throbbing. "I never put them there". I stare at my broken pride, my selfishness, my fear of others.. it hurt to lose them, but I realise I feel lighter for it. And then a giggle in me rises up. I am sure that although I have no idea, how, that this battle is ours to win. I place my hand in His and grip tightly. With affection I stand and say "say when God, and I will charge". I look at my sword. I glance upon the handle and suddenly notice a word engraved across its handle. WORD OF GOD. How had I not noticed it? I start noticing the other parts of my armour and the words engraved there. RIGHTEOUSNESS. FAITH. TRUTH. GOSPEL OF PEACE. SALVATION. I whisper to Him "How Lord do I fight with these?". He whispers back... "speak my Word, stand in My name, believe upon My character, hear My voice, hold fast to My promises". I look back at the enemy before me. They are right at the banks edge and still my God has not even a flinch of terror upon His face. I watch them start to scurry up the hill and He gives me a nod. "NOW". I stand. My knees strengthen under my weight. My arms feel strong to bear the sword. My head lifts high and a voice, not familiar to me, a song, rises up from within me. "Worthy is the lamb". Suddenly the enemy starts scrambling. His defeat is evident. He retreats and scrambles, screaming and covering his ears "No no no, she believes it". And as fast as they seemed to draw before me, they are now gone, nothing is left upon the plain beneath me but a stir of dust where they dared to assemble and the broken pieces of my life, which needed to go. I look up at Him and smile, I want to shout a victory cry.. and then I notice a tear upon his cheek. It startles me to see it. Havent we won? I look down at where He looks. The settling dust reveals a few hurting people on the ground below. I hadnt noticed them there before and suddenly I am broken with Him. I run down to them and wrap my arms around them. They are innocent. They are broken. They are mistreated. They are helpless. "Why did I not see them before?", I cry to myself I look up at Jesus once more. The tenderness in His eyes bears upon me. I realise the battle had never been about me. It had never been for me. It had been for the lives of these. And I know, that to "wait for the Lord" means so much more than we might ever fully understand. He is our deliverer. He is our redeemer. He is our lamb. We march forward together. There are more battles to come, we know, but there is a land before that is ours, and its peg marked already 'Salvation'.