The Story of You..

To my Little mannies #4. Tears fill my eyes to write that.
Because you are something of Gods gift to us, a gift we didnt plan in our 'longterm' sight. A reward for handing the pen over to God, and saying "Will you write the next chapter?"..

You see. From the moment Daddy and I married, we knew we'd have 4 kids. When Amy was born, we thought we were done. In my heart, there was an ache for more. But when youve spent 10 years preparing yourself for the inevitable finish, I imagine you expect the grief and ache. At least thats what I told myself.

Gods ways our different from ours.

The past 18 months, 2 years, have been something else. Daddy and I have gone through disappointment, pain, loss and being stripped. It might have been easy to simply write up lifes mantra there and then "Trust no one". It felt that way. But I believe God allows all these things for a reason, even the storms. And while the storm whirled around us, I found that instead of leaving me bitter, crushed and disillusioned, it instead peeled off layers of my heart. Yes, it hurt.
But the pain isnt the ending.

In the peeling off... I came face to face with a reality: The desire and knowing grew in me that our family was not complete. And as God is able, He also ministered that desire into Daddys heart... a trust, anticipation, of more. More of the heart of Jesus towards His plans and purposes. God gave us the scripture "I run in the path of your commands, for you shall enlarge my heart". Pain can often crush and harden the heart.. yet in Gods hands, pain can serve to do the very opposite, and open up a capacity thats beyond our 'norm'.

Shortly after, I dreamed I had a girl, and a boy. We did go on to conceive that precious daughter, who is now with Jesus in heaven. Although not even "scanned and identified".. her identity remains sealed up there. A treasure.
And then there was you.

You, I knew, were going to have the heart of a Daniel. I understood how all the stripping and storm, was preparation for you. And you, I know, are a reward. A joy. A gift entrusted.

It makes me weep.
Because I know you have a Daddy whose integrity has shone in the face of opposition - he has championed the way for you.
Because I know that the discernment God has gifted to us, enables us to raise you beyond our human weakness.
Because you are a new beginning.
Because I know God will take you into places of high influence, and that our hearts will be beat proudly.
Because I know you will be asked to stand, and that at times it will break our hearts too.
Because you bring a sense of joy and adventure into our lives.

Precious wee man, where we had placed a full stop, God has put a 'to be continued' and here on in, were all on this journey of unknowns together. Unknown to us, but known to Jesus.

Its so wonderful, amazing, delightful, to have you along for the ride.

We love you immensely.
xxxx