Abuse in Church

I lay in bed the other night and quite randomnly, I remembered an incident from when I was a teenager. I used to do a paper run and there was a married man, much older than me, from our Church, whose house was near ours. He would always smile and be friendly. From time to time, he would be out biking, meandering around the streets while I just hapenned to be on my route. He would bike along with me for a bit, chatting, and although it struck me as a little odd.. I didnt give it much weight. Until one day he stopped outside a home he was building, in our subdivision, and invited me to look through it. I was hesitant and confused.. too young to understand, yet too old to ignore the misgivings I had. I agreed politely and rushed through the rooms, trying to ignore the hand on my back, the fact that no one else was there, the weirdness of his behaviour. I headed for the front door, got on my bike and carried on. Later that day I quit my paper run. At the time, I remember thinking how silly I felt for even feeling uneasy or wary of him. Yet with years, hindsight and wisdom, I was able to clearly identify the predatory nature of his actions and was grateful for my gut instincts to over-ride my politeness and desire of pocket money, with a need for safety. As I sat tonight, praying, I recognized a fire God has lit within me. You see, there are so many stories of abuse hapenning 'in church'.. no, not necessary inside its walls, but by members who you should trust, and the lack of talking, discussion and frankness is a breeding ground for danger. People who have a profile of being trustworthy, noteable, respected; who are in reality, undermining, attacking and damaging families, children and the innocent. And you bet, it grieves my heart, and sure grieves Gods. First of all, abuse isnt always of a sexual nature, as my story hints above. Sometimes its much more subtle than that.. and dangerous. Emotional and spiritual abuse is harder to pin, and often takes a mask of looking like religion. I fear that, more than anything, because its often the most ignored and disregarded. The church tends to excuse it under lines of 'grace, forgiveness, personality, preference'. So how can you keep you and your children safe? #1 Abuse is intentional and controlling. The feelings a victim has, are often paralyzing and silent. It seeks to build trust, isolation and loyalty and the most alarming thing, is that others around often cant see what is going on for you. Be wary of those who be-friend you fast and single you out. Especially those who have a 'ministry' profile of some sort and act that way. They will make you feel 'extra special' and that should be your first warning. #2 Note how much personal information is shared. Abusers tend to go very personal, very quickly. They will share things that are at a level that make you feel you are trusted and ask the same of you. #3 Dont be afraid to offend. I dont let my children go to other kids homes alone. They always go in pairs and stay in pairs. I wont let them shower or bath with others, and we dont do sleep overs. They know they can punch anyone in the face who touches any of their private areas and I wont growl. They know to not keep secrets from us, to never go into a room with someone alone. Im strict, and yes, Im sure Ive offended many a friend whose rules arent as strict as ours, and who dont understand. I dont care. Id rather an offended friend than a messed up child. Right now, Sam and I are our childrens voices and we take that job seriously. #4 If you feel unsafe, say so. The Bible says that the fear of man is a snare, but the fear of God leads to life. Fear often leaves us silent.. so SPEAK UP! To an authority, leader or someone you trust. If they ignore you, go to a trained counsellor outside your circumstances but within your community. An even more daring move: Call the offender into a meeting with someone professionally trained and outside the situation. Chances are, they wont agree to it, but that alone is telling enough. If someone has nothing to hide, there is no reason to fear talking. Refusing to talk, is again, control, and you dont have to sit under that. #5 Trust your instincts. A couple of years ago I walked through an issue which left me traumatized, only I didnt know it! At the time I felt upset, however, my body started doing strange things. I developed a thumb fasciculation (twitch) and I would wake in the night literally shaking all over. I tried to ignore it, but finally one night in womans homegroup, I broke. I felt like a mess as I tried to gather my overwrought self into some state of normal and my dear homegroup leader made a wonderful suggestion: Go to a chiropractor. The thing is, at the chiropractor, he, being a Christian, quickly identified that I was carrying tension in my back, and over breathing from stress, and the combined effect was causing my thumb to twitch. He didnt cure it straight away, but it lead to the next best decision... I booked into a counsellor. He listened to what had hapenned for me, and my body symptoms and on the spot announced: Your traumatized and what you are experiencing is normal! We spent some time working that through and I learnt something HUGELY profound.. to trust my instincts. Each of us has a God given ability to sense right and wrong, and when we ignore that, it causes us stress. Some stress is good, but that kind of stress is damaging. Im still learning it, but I give a lot more weight to my instinct and discernment these days. Its usually right because its God given. The thing is, instinct cant always be explained and rationalized so dont try. Make a personal decision that although you cant give reasons, youre going to listen to the cautions you have and trust them. #6 Get wisdom. Often were so 'in' the situation we cant see clearly. When youre in an abusive situation, its often very confusing and heart breaking. Your own emotions can make it difficult to separate yourself from the issue. Ive read stories lately of woman who have gone through some horrendous abusive situations by Christian men.. and yet in it, they cant see the truth of how unloving the behaviour is. Or if they can, they dont know how to get out of it. God is our advocate, our very best friend and our hiding place. He is wise to provide a way through and out of the storm! Yes, He is there in the prison with us.. but many of us forget that those prison bars are wide apart and we can step right through, right over, and beyond the issues which others place on us. Fear of the future is often what holds us back from the courageous step of moving forward. Were afraid.. is there life beyond the prison bars? Is it more of the same? Will we be further ostracized and alienated?. Yes the world is full of more of the same.. but you wont ever be the same. Your experience doesnt have to break you, God can use it to make you an advocate for someone else who is sitting silent in a prison. But unless you step out, how will you reach others who feel like you feel? Unless you take a step of courage, how will you know that even in darkness, God holds you. He will NEVER let you go.

Letters to my number 6

Ive struggled to even begin this diary. Not because, sweet one, you are any less hoped for, dreamed of or amazing.. you are more so than ever before. But its hard. Acknowledging that I think you are there makes you 'known'. For now, you are just known to the Lord. And perhaps a little bit me, suggested to your dad and to everyone else.. I want to keep you hidden. I realise weeks on, that the hardest part of losing Poppy, was the sense that it was doomed for me, for her. Words people said, well meaning, but none the less.. like I was not fit enough, able enough, good enough, to carry her. I find myself sitting here asking the Lord a question "am I good enough to carry this one?". Its more of a challenge "go on, take it away, Im not going to bear it under my heart, than it wont hurt". For the first time I find myself offering a sacrifice that bewilders me. Fear, of that which I believe we should never fear. Fear of what can touch the secret places. Fear of finding that it depends upon me. That there is something I dont know, that everyone else does. A reason which Im unworthy... a reason I'll never know or put my finger on. Sweet one, Im sorry you have a bit of a mess of a mother right now. I want you to know, with all of my heart, you truly are a God born desire. I guess I need to allow God to let me look again upon the ashes and dare to believe that He can bring beauty out of them there. That He can bring you out of there. May God bless you and truly carry you in the palm of His able hands. 7th June. I think Im about 7 weeks now. I havent tested yet but my body sure is telling me that you are there. Rolling over in bed sometimes brings stabs of stretching inner tendons and this mornings attempt at routine went like this: Get up, put on make up, throw some clothes on, brush hair remark to self "hmm, not feeling so sick today?". Go to kitchen, avoid breathing, look at Sams marmalade toast and try and decide if it makes me hungry, or just queezy. Maybe both. Put on 2 pieces of Vogel toast because the Freya's thick slices are more than I can handle. Go to sink and find crockpot still full of the liquid from last nights dinner that I couldnt finish making, because it was too much for my senses. Gag. Go to toilet because the gag feels a bit more than a gag. Dry wretch into the toilet for the next ten minutes while the song line "its all coming back, its all coming back to me now" goes around in my head. Sam heads straight for the garage and I cant blame him. Vomit and Sam dont cope well together. I would have laughed were it not for being the one dry wretching. After a while he calls out "Im going now, bye guys". I want to ask him to rub my back and give me tender looks while me and the toilet get re-aquainted. But truth is, he and I both know, its a welcome affliction. Staring down the toilet bowl makes me beam with joy.. the short discomfort that will soon give way to kicks, wriggles, teeny little socks and a lifetime of dreams in this mothers heart of mine. Ive been praying for you. Often. The sense I have is that I have a joyful prophetic wee bundle of larger than life within me. You are wonderful. I love you to bits. xxx 8th June. Spending most of my time now either trying not to throw up, wishing I could close my eyes and sleep for the next 5 or so weeks.. theyre such welcome feelings. Today I got to hold baby Grace in Church. The feeling of a precious snuggling little poppet in my arms was divine. I found my heart aching for the day I will hold you. This afternoon I lay on the couch with a cookbook. Thats usually my favourite 'chill out' zone, but today it served a different purpose.. WHAT am I craving?? Langbein makes for great reading, but today all her pictures made my stomach roll... till finally I saw lemon meringue pie and then a thai sauce with limes and nailed it: citrus! Craved citrus with Amy too and asked myself why I didnt plant a lime and grapefruit tree back in those pregnancy days?? Oh yeah.. because we werent going to do this again. Do you know how wonderful it is that I get to do this again? You should see the kids faces when I talk about you. Amy likes to rub my belly and she keeps asking me when youre coming out. So today I worked out youre due about 25th January. Wonderful, just in time to enjoy summer days and fresh breezes and beautiful flowers. You already bring summer to my soul. God Bless you my little blueberry. xxx 9th. 1:30am. The dilemma of morning sickness. Am I hungry or is that nausea? Both. I know it's the middle of winter but I want so much to throw open the doors and let in fresh air.. The lingering smell of dinner is getting to me. Instead I think I might just stare down the toilet some more. 10th. Sweet bundle, I love placing my hand on my stomach and knowing you are there. Today I feel a lot brighter.. which makes up for the fact that I spent as much as I could of yesterday nauseous and lying on the couch. I woke early with your daddy and determined to have a bright face for today. Introducing: Dry Shampoo. That stuff is genius. I have so much to show you! :) Dads thinking ahead too.. he asked me this morning where we plan on feeding you, in your highchair... and on our expensive red rug ;) Cuteness, you have to know, that alone should be reason for you to know how VERY loved and wanted you are. That your dad was willing, no make that prayerful, for you to come into our lives... in this newly renovated home.. on our recently laid carpet.... let me just say: youre planned. And desired. More than any of these earthly things. More than all of his hard work could buy for us. That saying... would you mind, if you could, not being a spilly baby? Would be real helpful :) Just sayin. Love you blueberry. Immensely. xxxx 12th. I wish I were feeling sicker than I am. The past few days, I havent felt so sick. Sure Ive gagged. But I feel wrapped up in anxiety as to whether or not my hormones are sufficient for you. Today I cried. Im helpless. Helpless to do anything to keep you there. And the trauma of losing Poppy is coming back to me. I want to trust you to Jesus.. but I did that with Poppy and He took her home. This exercise of trust is so unbearable. I keep praying.. for a brief moment of today I felt sure that it was all going to be okay, that you are going to be fine. I want so much for God to confirm that.. I want, more than anything, just to enjoy YOU. 14th. "Be it unto me according to Your Word" Luke 1:38. Father, it was you who whispered across our hearts "Children are a blessing from the Lord". It was You who whispered this life into my womb. It is You and You alone who can bring all Your promises to pass. So I am putting aside today my earthly understanding, I want to receive YOUR promise. Your Word. Be it unto me according to Your Word. I rest my security there. 16th. Introducing again.. 4am. And the laying awake with "am I sick, or maybe just hungry?". Lie there and try not to wake hubby up.. give up, come downstairs, drink milk, eat biscuit. Helps some. Drink another glass of milk. Still feel bit yuck. Wish I hadnt drunk so much milk :) I must have done this all about 5 years ago with Amy. It seem so long ago! Glad to do it again with you. More than you know. Love you milky poppet, so much. xx 17th. The past 24 hours have given me reason to believe without doubt that I am very sick. And very pregnant. Tim is cooking dinner tonight, Cornish Pasties. Oh praise God for capabe ten year olds.. because Id quite like to just bury my head in pillows and pretend food doesnt exist. Except Ginger Beer. My new hero. Which isnt really a food but I am grateful for the stuff none the less. And grateful for you. x 18th. Right now your biggest brother is making pull apart pizza bread for lunch. Home ec was on his homeschool list. By the end of this first trimester, he's going to be fully qualified. I decided something in the wee hours of the night. I was suddenly hit with this wonderful thought "what if all my days carrying you, were marked in the verses of hope and truth I stored up in my heart for you and for me". So thats what Ive committed to. Excites me. On another note, your sister Amy tells me often that you are her baby. I get the honour of changing your nappies, she doesnt seem to be partial to that task. Funny that ;). Love you baby. x 23rd June. My favourite feeling right now.. feeling sick. Highlight of my pregnancy was today: Seeing YOU. On the screen. My little peanut. Looking so very plump, cute and deliciously well. You are 23.82mm crown to rump. So little, but so very big to us. You are exactly 9wks 1 day, perfectly accurate to what you should be. And you are due on 25th January 2015. I look forward to being a waddling whale this summer coming. Oh precious soul, I love you to bits. You are a gift! xxxx 30th June. Yesterday I was praying and I felt God speak to me about you. That you were a blessing and a reward, a gift that would give beyond the walls of our home. I wonder what purpose and call God has on your life? Yesterday in Church we prayed that you would know where you are and that your little heart would beat for joy to be in the presence of God. May you know Him even in this secret place. x 1st July. My stomach line is long passed and my pre pregnancy figure seems a distant memory. Already my body is growing and changing and I look pregnant. Your daddy loves it. I love it. Ive found myself dreaming of when you are here, what you will look like, smell like, feel like. Its so exciting :) 2nd July. I cried last night for Poppy. Tears that didnt make a lot of sense to me. Sometimes Im just reminded by your preciousness, of your sister, whose toes and nose I dont get to kiss for a long time. Strangely the tears also drew me closer to you. I love you. x 5th. it's 1:40am. Daddy is away hunting with Tim and I'm awake fighting the urge to throw up. Dad has had lemon water by the bed which has become one of my saving graces... I think I've downed 4 glasses just this evening. I have Amy here beside me, doing her best to stick to my side of the bed. I must have moved her over a handful of times already... To no avail, she likes to know I'm near. On that note, I think you're coming into the most a affectionate family out. You will never lack for snuggles and kisses. As you get older, there will always be someone willing to let you climb in their bed if you're cold or scared. I like that, this family knows to treasure one another. 11wks now and counting.. Already over a 1/4 way there :). I don't want to rush it, I just want to enjoy growing you x 21st July. 13 + 2 was. Today was heartbeat day. Dad happened to pop home right before we left and tagged along for the ride.. So we all got to hear your little heart together for the first time. I know that sound delighted me with the others, but with you, it was like the sound of heaven itself.

Clothed.

The Lord has been impressing upon me over and over lately a concept of being clothed. I like that. Clothed in Him. It sounds nice. It sounds lovely. Ah yes, that lovely radiant robe that He drapes upon me when I walk through the doors of Church and I suddenly feel amazing. Light. Free. Secure. Okay, but truth is. Sometimes Im left wondering how come Im walking around in something that feels more drab than fab. And why my insecurities seem to be on parade, instead of the confidence I have in Christ. I was talking to a dear friend in Church today about thanksgiving. She made a comment "A garment of thanksgiving is something we have to put on". Isaiah 61:3 Ugh. How real a truth!! We often forget that if we are to walk clothed in the righteousness of God, and under His beautiful radiant robe of royalty.. we must actually put it on. And that requires us first, to take something off. Our pride. Im going to get real here. You know that drab garment of shame that you wear for comfort, because someone falsely accused you, misused you and said all kinds of nasty things against you?? ..... You know why you hold onto it so tight? Because of your pride. Inside your screaming "I dont deserve this". Yet acknowledging the undeservedness, you somehow cant get rid of it. It seems to hang off you like a repulsive odor from which you cant smother enough talc or perfume to rid the stench. The truth is. How undeserved the treatment was, inside your pride cries out "Im worth more". The Word says this: Philippians 2:5 "You should have the same attitude toward one another that Christ Jesus had.. he made himself nothing". NOTHING. Harsh words, criticism, pain, wrong treatment. They are inevitable. Yet you have a choice. You can run around like a mad nutter in self defence and hurt, unforgiveness and with a determination to right the wrongs, clear your name, give your side of the story..... OR You can stand before your foe, the Enemy, and say "you are right, I am NOTHING. I may not have been guilty of what you accuse me of, but I am guilty of so much more. Amy Carmichael has a quote that has profoundly changed my life.. "If I feel bitterly towards those who condemn me, as it seems to me, unjustly, forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more, then I know nothing of Calvary love." Condemnation is from the enemy of your soul. It is the most strategic attempt to have you rushing about and pouring all your energy into reminding yourself why you are worthy of so much more. Jesus has already paid the price for you. He already has ready for you a garment, a robe of righteousness that is UNDESERVED AND RADIANT in Him. Want it? Then choose to put it on. How? Take of your filthy garments of sin. Ephesians 4:20. Envy, pride, anger... Give thanks! 1 Thess 5:18 Know whose you are, not who you are Psalm 45:13-14. Dont buy into the fear that will try and cripple you into being who they think you are. It wont work to know who you are, or to 'find yourself' or even to just 'be yourself'. When you know you are child of God, a daughter of the King, when youve spent time at His feet, your behaviour will follow accordingly. It wont be contrived or performed, it will be an overflow. Rest in His faithfulness Deuteronomy 29:5. His garments never run out. Ever.

If..

“If my attitude be one of fear, not faith, about the one who has disappointed me; if I say “Just what I expected,” if a fall occurs, then I know nothing of Calvary Love.” ― Amy Carmichael, If. Sam and I were talking last night. Our conversation was on the tendency to grow old and disillusioned with man. In general. I have friends who I know find it near impossible to trust people. Ive heard more times than I dare count "I dont trust anyone" and I have had a huge number of people tell me increasingly, their despondency towards Church function and its emptiness. And I get it. So we asked ourselves a question... how do you come through 'alive'? How do you accept others, but not carry their 'junk?' How do you trust, but not go to your grave disappointed? How do you reach out, but not be trodden on? How do you believe all things, but not be made a fool? How do you hope all things, but not be left despondent? How do you love, and not walk in hatred? What if you dont want to be a doormat?.... So what is the answer???? John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease. What if you went to your grave: Treated as junk. Disappointed by others. Trodden all over. Believed to be a fool. Hated. And what if you found that Jesus was glorified in those things. That He was enough. That you were so consumed in His love, that nothing could quench your desire and boldness to live out love as He lived it. What if you chose the low road, so that others could climb higher. What if you chose to be a doormat, so that someone could have cleaner shoes for the journey. What if you were okay to be hated, so that someone could seek wholeness. What if your expectation of man was faith. All the time. What if love believed the best...... Choose to be the 'if' today.

Spontaneous Sam

Sam is my methodical organised thoughtful husband who comes with a streak which to me, is like the cherry on top.. his spontaneity. It was a surpise I discovered in marrying him and watching him grow into Fatherhood. I wondered how he would cope with the day to day mess and unpredictability of parenting. Just go into his garage and look at how its all set up, and you will get why I may have had a bit of hesitation into how he would adjust. Id be lying if I said there wasnt a small amount of adjustment.... by ME. Alas, it is I who found that little pieces of lego on the ground, diecast cars under loungesuites and unflushed toilets would grate on my patience. I lost count on the number of times Sam came home, stepped over toys and said "ah hun, dont worry about that!". In fact, pretty much the only thing that he cant stand is kids with sticky fingers on windows, walls and furniture. Hence to say we now have a pretty rigid rule of conduct in the food department. But back to spontaneity. Sam loves to do randomn things on the spot. Just for the fun of it. Our years of parenting, hence, have been filled with seasons and sunshine which, for our kids, are the norm. Yet to me, these moments have often been the reason to breathe, smile and treasure the now. On Mothers Day, it seems fitting to simply say, I think its these moments that have made motherhood so wonderful. Theyve been rides on the dolly cart, after dinner walks up to countdown in the dark in jackets and hats, drives over to the ships to sit and watch them being loaded, traipsing up to the quarry to go on adventures, walks to the sandy beach to throw shells and catch bait fish, sliding down the stairs, nerf dart challenges, trasma car races, evening trips to nanny and grandpas for a swim and a drink... I could just go on and on and on. Every season Sam has filled with fun, things he's not done once just to say "Arent I a good dad". Things not just done with half hearted enthusiasm. He loves it and will literally spend HOURS at it, no matter what. Last night was one of those moments. Id had a roast beef in the oven for the afternoon on slow cook. Id just pulled it out and left it to rest and was about to throw on the veges when Sam announced "come on, lets go out for tea". Experience has taught me not to rationalize these moments too much. The meat can be used on sandwhiches and cold for another night and the housework can wait, as can my need of a shower. We threw the kids into thick jackets, hats and scarves and bundled ourselves off in the car in search of a place to eat. I even purposefully left the camera behind. We eventually found a park down town and wandered to the busy local Pizza joint for some gourmet pizza and hot chips. Sitting there with him, looking at them, I found myself pausing to simply admire each of them and relish that they are the loveliest company I could ask for. I couldnt tell you for a second who else was in the restaurant, or what else was on the menu. Our hot chips were to die for, especially lashed in love. And best of all, I wasnt distracted by trying to take photos to capture the moment or prove its authenticity. We were all just wonderfully there. This morning when I woke up for Mothers Day, I was greeted with a son who had made me crackers, a crumpet and a licorice stick in a happy face, for breakfast. The next son gave me hot coffee and a more nutritious offering of peanut butter toast complete with vouchers for pampering to be redeemed at set times throughout the day. And my sweet gift loving son made me a beautiful card and presented me with a hyacinth plant. I smiled as I saw how Sams love of spontaneity had rubbed off on these precious wee men of ours. It caused me to ask... what is spontaneity? I think Sam has shown me that spontaneity is the gift you give of saying "let me give you joy, right now!"... and finding joy in the process yourself. Ive needed that gift much more than even I realised. I wonder how many around me need that gift a whole lot more to: the gift of joy, just because, just because youre worth celebrating life with. We could all do more of that couldnt we?!

Tumtum & Nutmeg

I love things miniature. I love things good. I love things that make you want to create. I love little happy worlds and happy endings and Sylvanian Families. When I was little, we used to have a small box frame with little compartments that housed copper kettles and pots and eeny mini kitchen things and it pretty much sums up the things I love.

Find these things in a book and youve got me hanging! And... my boys love adventures, soldiers, fighting and heroes. Amy enjoys anything sweet and tiny. Sam loves a story that captures imagination and is full of good morals. Its rare to find a book to read as a family, that covers all the criteria. But the Tumtum and Nutmeg books tick all the boxes and have become a favourite in our household.

These books are akin to Beatrix Potter and the art of bringing animals to life with quirky character and believable plots. Two little mice, Tumtum and Nutmeg, who live in a cottage in the broom cupboard of the home of Arthur and Lucy. Two kids, who they loyally tend to, to make their lives better.. never being caught or seen. The stories are not infantile, yet simple enough to make sense. As the parent reader, Ive found myself chuckling and enjoying reading aloud, just as much as the Cahill kids enjoy to wriggle and listen. And most of all, I love that the stories are as simple as good and bad character, and morals that are easy to understand. A comfort which highlights a bone I have to pick with Disney over Frozen. Despite being a fan of both Olaf and Elsa's hairdo, Im still perplexed by how to explain to my children that the Queen who was born with an evil power, was a good queen and becomes a good person by an enstranged sister overcoming said evil power with an act of love. Tell me that its not complicated!! Anyhow! We all know the benefits of reading to kids. As a homeschool mum, and an (almost) trained teacher, I place reading to as *the* best thing you can do for your children in their education. But in the name of keeping it real, and not having you imagine four pint sized bundle of perfection sitting lined upon our couch, while I sit in my orderly home and read delightful stories of wee mice... Heres how we do it. I read most days, 2-3 chapters a day and we get through most books with speed. I think this helps keep the tension of a story going, creating anticipation, but not so stretched out that it becomes an agitation. Listening and sitting still is an art form, and we really do work on it, but for the most part, I have the kids grab a pencil and paper and draw while they listen. Their drawings will often be of something that captures them in the story and some of the masterpieces theyve created are going to make me rich oneday. Oneday. (maybe biased mum speaking). The most favourite aspect of Tumtum and Nutmeg, for me, is the scope for creativity and craft. The story talks about yoghurt containers used as dining tables and toy cars used for mice to travel about in.. suddenly the ideas flood in of all the possibilities of containers and everyday items that we use around the home, to be a miniature world of order and beauty. Weve got clay and made our own little wee mice and matching furniture. This lesson was equally good for discussions on scale, working in 3D as it was molding, firing and texture. These arent ours.. but inspiring none the less..

Then there is Maileg. Oh I swoon. A Danish company who designed a range of kids toys which really are adult toys marketed for parents who use children as an excuse to revisit childhood. The prices are a little, um, up there. Ive contemplated pretending I have the lifestyle of Duchess Kate and making a small collection of Maileg for my own satisfaction.. under the guise of 'for Amy', but Mr Husband would have a hard time believing it.. especially since Id likely be storing them in my closet with a "KIDS DONT TOUCH" sign. So instead I have my talented parents lined up for a little woodwork and sewing.. and in the interim, using an old milk carton to create a mousehouse, or an empty matchstick box (with a full and thorough firesafety message issued prior of course), to make a mice bed, is an exceptionally marvellous lesson on recycling!

Then there is the minature food options. Reading the stories are rather like eating a chocolate biscuit with a nice mug of warm milk on a rainy day. And that feel good feeling is captured all through the story with the mice's diet of pies and cakes and all things taintalisingly eaten everyday. If you are a mouse. Of course this isnt a book along the lines of Nourishing Traditions, so I wouldnt advocate that you use it as a basis for healthy eating. But then cockcroach pies keep the balance of appeal here. Instead, designing and creating mini food is the alternative. And who could resist this for an idea

Or you could follow up teaching healthy food with this book Ive ordered from Karen Le Billon, who wrote possibly one of my 'you must read' books: "French Kids Eat Everything"..

Not that Im suggesting you try cockroach pie, I should add. But perhaps you could dive off on parsnips and introduce them creatively using the book above. Lets not forget too, the art of hospitality. Putting on the kettle as force of habit, the moment your guests turn up.. which is something my best buddy does without a moment of hesitation, the moment you step foot in her door. In fact, she wont greet you without first filling it up and embracing you in a smile and a hug and before you know it there is a hot mug under your nose and a cheery "how are you?".. like I said... An art. And on that note of hospitality, there is a world of ideas: how to greet guests, menu planning, budget and respect and making people feel welcome. I could not go further than telling you that you HAVE to read "Shaping Of A Christian Family" by Elizabeth Elliot for all ideas on how to do hospitality well.. she quotes "There was always enough money for unpretentious hospitality...My parents saw the entertaining of God's people as a great privilege and blessing to the family...no matter what our economic condition...". If your up for more inspiration.. you could do any of these things:

Allllll that to say... buy the book. Book Depository has it for $22 for a hardback set of 3. Please go to my friends blog and order it from her affiliate link.. www.homemakingwithheart.com. I dare you not to get distracted on her blog. And both the book and her... Absolutely worth it. Have fun :)

There is no black in heaven...

Last week, after I lost Poppy, God showed me a flash of a picture of her walking through a field. Not just any field,... one where the blades of grass are as delicate as running your hands through fur, where the wind paints gentle pictures in them, like a paintbrush through watercolour, where space is vast and mysterious and peaceful, yet never lonely, where home is the moment by moment enjoyment of all He has made. Poppy was wearing a white robe. Maybe a dress. It neither overwhelmed her or appeared heavy or cumbersome. It was elegant and fitting, and perhaps what caught my eye, was the red cord that sat around its edge. Symbolizing her belonging. Her status. Her price. I was telling Sam about this picture I had. I need to be straight here!.. this vision wasnt an hour long moment of peering into heaven.. this was like a flash of a dream, where what I saw burned across my mind. And one thing in particular: that red cord. Think of the most beautiful deep shade of crimson red you can here on earth. Think of this: if you were to paint it.. if you were to create that colour.. what would you use to create that depth? I was trying to explain this to my husband, trying to put into words what it looked like, or to what I could compare it, when the words came tumbling out of my mouth "its like the blood red that you can only create when you mix it with a shade of black, or a base of black... but in heaven, there is no black". I laughed even as I spoke it. Of course there is no black in heaven. Black is what we call the absence or absorption of light. In heaven, there is no void of light, anywhere. Every colour is deeper and richer and vibrant than all the colours on earth put together. There is nothing to compare. If thats just a brief foretaste of colour, what does it speak of the character of our God? 1 John 5 says "God is light and in Him is no darkness at all". There is nothing in Him that is untoward, rude, unkind, ungracious, impatient, disrespectful, bitter, unyielding, unsympathetic or self preserving. He is simply incapable of it. You will never find a hint of black in His depth, because His nature is the complete opposite. Lets go on... that verse continues to say this: "If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another" Want to know if youre lying to God, yourself and the world? Ask yourself this: Whom am I not in fellowship with? What have I done to make fellowship possible with that person? What have I held back from making that fellowship a reality? Oh its easy to presume to have done all we can... its easy to deceive ourselves that weve done enough. But light is a bridge. Light seeks your fellowman out and says "walk me over the bridge of your experience till I understand". Light says "nothing is too much for me to seek to be right with you, I will do whatever it takes". Light holds back no darkness, no animosity, no reserve of graciousness, or withholding of affection or care. Light never gives up. Light doesnt build walls, create excuses, or show dishonour.. It cant!... and if we are His, neither can we. John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.