Dear Joseph..

You are 11 weeks old.
11 weeks of divine. And I am smitten.

Tonight I tried to tidy up your change table and drawers a little bit.
Truth is; all your clothes at the moment are sitting on your change table. Because going into your drawers means I have to move out the sweet wee oufits you were in summer and admit, that you might have outgrown them some. I popped a few things to one side, ready to store, and that made me want to cry.
Im sure hormones have a lot to blame for this. And I truly am so glad you are growing so healthy and strong. Thriving. The Doctor said you were the model baby.
You are.
But my mother heart is falling to pieces.

And there's the irony of it all.
We had you, because you were a gift from God, the enlarging of our hearts. I guess I naively thought you would fill a little gap. I did not expect you'd tear apart the borders completely. And in the most loveliest of ways.

I smell you every morning and night, just to try and memorize that forever. Nate leaned in and whispered to me today "I love the way Joseph smells". It was a confession of sorts. In case I wondered why he sometimes just breathes you in. I whispered back "me too".

Ive been holding your head in my hand this past week wondering when did it become more firm? When did your wee fingers get dimples? When did your nose crease, smooth out? When did you go cross eyed, for the last time? It all changes so fast. And being that it all goes so fast, I feel set on holding you and snuggling you every possible moment.

In the supermarket today, you were having the sweetest conversation with me, gazing into my eyes, so while I lined up in checkout we chatted and the world may as well have stopped. I looked up to see the ladies around me, staring at me, staring at you. I felt like asking them to grab me a chair while I sat down and told you how I just so love you. I think they probably would have. But instead their eyes spoke back to me what I already knew "such precious moments go so fast..".

Come dinner prep time, I popped you in the front pack and enjoyed the way you feel as I gently swayed about the kitchen, preparing vegetables with your sleepy warm body against mine. You woke up just as daddy came home, so he got to see the way you stare so adoringly into the depth of me, with eyes for no one else. I love that you do that. That you know me. That I know you.
Its just one big love fest here with you, sweet boy.

So.

Back to 11 weeks.
Milestones:
Youve always slept awesomely. Still do. Definitely being more wakeful in the day now, though I cant complain. Youre doing about 8-9hrs each night. This is the stuff of baby legends. Ironically, I couldnt care less. I can count on one hand the nights youve woken for feeding and Ive minded.
You smiled from, like, WAY young.. and now your giggling too. And today I swear you said "mum". Okay, maybe it was a bit of a coincidence, but still, lets just settle it that your first word was for me, deal?!
I havent actually done the whole weight and height thing. Mainly because, well, you just have to take one look at you to know youre tall, and healthy. You have a nice layer of squidge on you, and all the doctors and nurses say "aw, he's so long". Sometimes I forget how much so, but your foot length floors me. In utero, I remember tracing your foot, pressed against my belly and thinking "woah". And yup, I was right. You dont fit any of the booties. Youre already well too big for the 0-6month socks.

Anyway.
I just wanted to say Joseph, its so super awesome being your mummy. Were all so glad to have you in our family.
Love you
xxx