To my baby boy

Youre due in a few weeks. Apart from finding nights rather uncomfortable, Im content that you are still where you are.
Daddy asked me last night what its like when you have your body back.. and the truth is, its fantastic, and its a grief. For weeks afterwards I instinctively put my hand to my belly and realize there are no feet there to feel, no kicks to giggle at. Ive loved that most about this pregnancy. My hands have been glued to you, your form, your movements. Ive cuddled you a thousand times over from the outside in.
Im going to miss that as much as holding you in my arms is going to break the ache ten fold.

In every pregnancy Ive learnt something new. I was thinking this morning how I would define what 'new' thing this pregnancy has taught me.
Funny enough, I came back to a word that God gave me a year ago, when we were praying about you. "Enlarge".

Our hearts have enlarged to know youre coming. You havent yet taken a breath of air, yet you have enlarged the capacity of our dreams, our home, our functioning, our joy. Perhaps mostly so in Daddy.

Conversations that we have make me smile. He was thrilled to choose you a pram, and I wish you could have seen him wandering around Baby City asking me if there was anything else we needed, his evident excitement of you soon to be in our lives. He asked me last night why I needed a night light in the lounge area upstairs, because of course, you will sleep in a bassinet beside us. I told him "oh you know, so we can move you into the lounge and I can nurse out there"... to which he replied "no, I want him right beside us, so I can listen to all his sweet noises".

Those things are considered an inconvenience in our world. Broken sleep, a pram to wheel around, a pacifier to clean, a life of little messes to raise and train. Yet as daddy and I stand at the brink of this new adventure, weve also looked back and reflected how quickly the years pass... and how having you enlarges our ability to enjoy all the wonder of it, all over again.

Sweet boy, I love you so much. We love you so much.
Cant wait to kiss your sweet lil nose.
xxxx