Its been pressing upon my heart lately, staring me in the face often.. my insecurities, doubts and questions beckon me to admit that I will never see the power of Christ if there is ME seeking my own worth there. I faced it again this week as I often leave the presence of someone dear to me, feeling inferior. I know boundaries are important but the bigger question is: do I seek my value there? See, if I were really consumed with the wanting to allow Christ to work His blessing out of me, my mind would not dwell upon what I am worth, or what treatment I feel I deserve. And as I presented my worries before God once more, I knew the answer before I asked.. John 3 He must increase, but I must decrease.
"how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!" In Jesus Christ alone, will I find the abundance of grace and the gift. And he must reign!
I guess too often I see in myself and those around me, the tendency to hold dear to our own feelings and our sense of worth, value and belonging, at the cost of the power and presence of Jesus. I heard someone tell me this week "I would love to be involved in that ministry, but I dont feel like Im 'there' yet". I knew what that person meant, but it was so contrary to the truth.. we will never arrive, we will never meet the mark, and by what do we measure being right for ministry? Ive been party to this lie many a time but its a falsehood, a deception which is hidden under a bigger and more ugly truth we dont like to admit: that we are simply proud and pleasure seeking sinners who are nothing but for Christ. If being 'in ministry' demands the discipline and self sacrifice that hearts tell us it does, are we shy of beating our flesh into submission for His sake? Often we are... and why? because the vision, the true miracle of the Cross grows dull in us. When we see Him face to face, when we behold with our own eyes the scars, the lamb, the sorrow and our Saviour, our minds will realise what our hearts always knew.. that we are so very nothing, and our giving our lives for Him is the least we could do. Lord, let that truth burn in us now... so we can stand before you and see the pleasure of Your face on that day.