Sunday, 30 June 2013

Beyond earthly logic

Its hard to define the past week. Ive felt tired, for varying reasons.

We made a huge decision to travel back to the UK in a couple of months, with the oldest and youngest of our kiddly winks, to see Sams Nans 100th. Then Sam got news that the lump on his eyelid and his shoulder are both Basal Cell Carcinoma's and will need them both cut out. Then there is the sense of change in Sams workplace and the dynamics that need attending to. I had a homeschooling exemption to write this weekend, admist booking plane tickets, accommodation, sorting out details and trying to juggle sick kids in amongst it all.
And that just kind of touches the surface really...

Im meant to be training for a trail run in July and a half marathon in August, I have homeschooling goals and objectives that need my attention, along with accounts, emails and birthdays to organise. Friends going through big stuff and relationships that I need to love on. My kids are in dire need of a sense of routine that actually realistically matches the demands on us right now, and Im behind on meeting the goals Ive set for character growth. Amy is being toilet trained in the midst of it. Nate needs a little surgical operation. 2 are on antibiotics and 2 on creams, and each need the reminder of how much they are loved.

The house needs to be decluttered, systems need refining, the pantry needs sorting, the kids wardrobes need re organzing. My learning room needs time to reflect a place of order, my sewing room sits neglected.

And its not that I can just sweep in with my priority list and break it all up into bite size pieces and attack it with methodical brilliance. Oh Id like to, given half the chance... but I hear my Father calling...

for beyond the abilty to ration out my time, to seize the moment is this call in my heart... the one thing that echoes above it all is the resounding call... PRAY PRAY PRAY...

16 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5

It defies a sense of earthly logic. And yet He calls me to it.

Prayer lifts my soul out of the demands and expectations of the now. It lifts my focus off me, off my own perspective, off the limits of my human and weak flesh and onto His faithfulness. Prayer believes upon a God who can heal, who can multiply the hours of my day, who can refresh and restore. Prayer calls upon the hordes of heaven to act on my behalf in my home, in my schooling, in my relationships and plans. Prayer aligns my priorities and goals to those of heaven. 

Do I really think that it can make that great a difference in the chaos and busyness of the now? Ask my soul! My soul beats "yes, yes, yes". My heart dances to the tune of a maker who sings "I am". My flesh waits upon a God who has worked marvels in the past, and who isnt finished with me yet!

On my knees I will change the pattern of today and days gone by. On my knees I will wrestle and grasp a vision and passion for a Life that is more than just what I taste. On my knees I fall in love with my Heavenly Father. On my knees my heart is quieted, my demands stilled, my eyes are lifed unto Him.

Oh Father, let my life honour you. I will pray.

 Effectual, fervent prayer is how God changes this world and bestows upon it the beauty, grace and power that He purchased at the cross.”
 Leslie Ludy

Monday, 3 June 2013

His radiance...

Yesterday I ran around the Mount in the early morning. As per usual, my head was down, my mind entirely focussed on one foot in front of the other.. and so I journeyed the entire route. I planned to do it again a second time, only suddenly my focus was caught by the sight in front of me. The risen sun was still blazing orange in the horizon, highlighting the ship in front of it, into a flaming glory, and I couldnt make my feet to move beyond it. I plonked myself in front of it contentedly. The smell of waffles filled the air from the cafe across the road, busy early risers exercised back and forth around me. I felt Jesus whisper to me "Talk to me". Oh where to begin Father. Its been too long. How can I talk to you Lord every day, and yet not 'talk'? How can I go about so many weeks and days in a sense of striving, or is it just a shallow acceptance of status quo? How did I so miss that knowing that my heart beats in time with Yours?
And I hear you command me again.. ALL!. I know it already, I know that there can be nothing else besides you, I know  I need you more than anything.
My heart comes once again into the fullness of Your glorious light and like that ship, I know Im lost in your radiance, that your all consuming FIRE must burn in me completley. And it does. And I find myself at your feet again, my heart lost once more in a love that I dont deserve.
Thankyou Father for not leaving my heart in that shaded space, to not letting me be anything but %100 lost in you.