Eating out with Kids

Over the next few weeks I thought Id write some tips on some of the things Im often asked. For many people, having kids means the ends of order and life out. Knowing I intended to homeschool, I really began to consider what were the things I were willing and wanting to give up, after all, I knew 'me time' was not going to be a regular option. With a busy self employed husband and the demands of schedules/ routines and lots to juggle, I began to consider what ways I could still create pockets of fun and creativity in our lives. For me, one of those was being able to take my kids to a nice restaurant or to a friends home, without fear of it turning into a chaotic event. While we have certainly had some moments that felt that way.. over time we have developed and learnt some strategies to make eating out pleasant. These days, its a joy to go to a restaurant and hear them complement our children on their manners and demeanour. Here are some things weve learnt along the way: Firstly, start at home: Make a point of having practise sessions once in a while, around the comfort of your own table. Put some rules in place that reflect the qualities you hope they will take with them elsewhere. For us these are: * We only eat sitting at the table (no walking around, standing up, or eating in front of tv, in the lounge etc) * When were finished, we dont jump down. We make a point of making them stay and just be for a while, talking, or sometimes listening to us talk. The 'host' or (mum) gives the cue that its clear up time, when she gets up from the table * Serve Dad/ guest first. * No kiddy options. Dont dumb down meals, remove spices or flavours in the assumption that theyre too 'adult'. My kids are not adverse to curry, thai, mexican, soup or weird beans that appear in dishes. Theyve developed a love affair with Camembert, appreciate the salty taste of Feta, and know that most dishes can be enjoyed without a generous serving of tomato sauce. * No toys/ books at the table. How many times do you see a child in a highchair with a prop in hand (usually food covered) to serve as a distraction while food goes everywhere? As they age, it becomes a diecast car, or a lego creation. Worse still, an iphone. Did you know you can eat without taking a photo of every meal out that you have? Most kids, by example, wont know that ;) * Have lots of wipes/ wash cloths ready and ensure all hands and faces are washed when leaving the table. When you take them out: * Dont automatically hit the fast food. Our kids know that good food takes time, thats its actually good to wait politely for a meal. If its taken a long time, order a bread starter, or something little. * Dont take them 'full'. I know it makes it cheaper, but you were also have a bored child/ren on your hand who are no longer hungry, and worse still, ready to play. If necessary, fill them up a little when you get home, rather than prior * Ask for what you know works. Dont use these trips out as a time to introduce new food for your children.. at least not as a main. Its wiser to order something for yourself, and have them trial a little off your plate, than get quietly cross that they wont eat the 'good decent meal' under their nose. * Relax! Your stress will pass onto them. Create calm by being calm yourself. Scan the table for glasses too near the edge of the table, clutter or items that will go crash. * Seat children properly and enforce that this is not the place to get down, wander around and stretch your legs. The restaurant owners and other visitors will thank you for that. Remember, it might be cute to you to have a child with sauce/ pumpkin/ smeared over their face, but not necessarily so to others. Be respectful and take a large pad of disposible wipes with you to keep faces and fingers clean. * Take a little bag for each child with some colouring pencils and colouring books/ stickers. Amy has a wee backpack we bought a couple of years ago that is a favourite. In it, we currently have this little activity book: These little activity books can be picked up relatively cheap on Book Depository, and we make a point of only letting them come out on meals out, plane trips and special outings where long periods of quiet might be useful. Dont forget the slightly older ones too.. My ten year old boy takes a book to read these days, or a pad to do of his own drawing, whereas I still use colouring books for my 7 and 8yr old, such as this: * Have them always thank the waitress and chef where possible. I whisper in their ear to remind them to do so when service comes around. When you get home. * Praise good character, wherever you can. It reinforces all the hard work and lets your kids know what a pleasure it is to take them out!

Parenting..

If you ask my kids what its like to be a Cahill, Im sure you will hear a full, honest and fluid account of life inside our home: Noisy, fun, crazy, hard work, creative, busy and so on. Sam and I love being parents. We really do. Every evening we flop on the bed together, usually exhausted, and our conversation generally turns to something sweet or funny one of them said. Yet inspite of the joy, there has been a journey on the way. Its on that journey where we have set posts in the ground, that have made all the difference. I think of the scripture; "The boundaries lines have fallen for me in pleasant places" (Psalm 16). We flourish where we stick to Gods best for our lives. I cant claim the wisdom for those precious posts. Each one is an accummulation of great resources, Godly grandparents, wise counsel and a great deal of prayer. But the posts are worthy of mention! A Higher Purpose. We are not raising our kids to be 'good kids'. You wont hear ours rattling off memorized scripture to impress, or performing hymns to guests, nor will you find our homeschool walls plastered with academic achievement. Proverbs 16 warns us that pride goes before destruction, yet as parents, we often impose on our kids the very thing that sets them up for failure: trying to please and impress man. Were big on teaching our kids about Godly character, but at the foundation of it all is this... for WHOM?! We constantly remind our children that through their lives, they reflect the character of Jesus and that unless it all stems from, and leads back to, a devotion for Him, its in vain. As For Me and My House. Life is full of opportunities to talk about truth and pray together. Sam and I have found value in making our children a precious part of hard times, decisions, and ministry opportunities. We dont shield and shy them away from the (age appropriate) challenges that cross our paths.. be that relationally, financially or spiritually. We usually talk about the problem and what God says in His Word, and how we apply that in our situation. Its been precious to be able to impart not just truth, but the application of it to our lives, and we pray they are learning to do the same. To that end, we dont place high value on peer relationships. We recognize its great for the kids to have friends, but we believe its important to win and earn the greatest influence in your childs life and to be mindful how peer relationships can compete with that influence. We are intentional about what influences we encourage in their lives and to find and seek out the "heroes" in our generation who can spur them on. On that note... some of their greatest heroes are their grandparents and Uncles. My Dad in particular is amazing with our boys, he has taught them skills to last a lifetime, and his gentle loving manner makes him one of the greatest heroes out. Look For Whats Going on in the Heart If were coming across a repetitive behaviour pattern in our children, be that fighting with each other, defiance or moodiness, weve learnt to look for whats going on inside. Correcting behaviour is important, but if its ongoing, its a cue, youre missing something... and it takes time and discipline to hone in one what that something is. My experiences has been that whats underneath it, is often a brokenness, a hurt, a wound that needs attention. Weve found it takes time and effort to build a rapport where open and honest questions can be asked that peel off layers and reveal whats going on in the heart. Be Watchful My mum recently made a comment to me that I loved.. she said that in every house, there is usually one child who is the barometer of pressure. I know thats true in our home! One of our sons behaviour can be often an accurate gauge as to what tensions exist for his mummy :). External influences and pressures have often the biggest distraction in parenting, rather than the internal ones, and we try to keep alert for them. For us - we dont have tv and are strict on DVD's and media that we allow through, yet, we have to be equally as watchful for the subtle pressures that creep in. Things such as the dynamics a visiting neighbour may bring, phone calls, texts, emails, relational complications, Church pressures, ministry opportunities.. for me, even researching parenting or reading a Treasures magazine can be a hinderence, cause of anxiety and a distraction. Those things come in so many shapes and sizes but we often come back to this question: "How is this affecting my parenting?". If its coming at a cost, we take that as a cue, that a boundary needs to be put in place. And put it in place! Because if you dont.. someeone else will for you.. and it will be miles from where you wanted it to be!! You Are Your Own Family For the first years of our parenting life we went with the traditional alternating of families at Christmas time. But we began to notice a pattern. I inevitably got sick, either right on, or after, Christmas. The stress of planning, preparing, meeting expectations (often my own) and trying to have a merry old time, was just plain taxing. On Sams side alone, there are 14, soon to be 15, cousins, just between 3 siblings. Legendary effort and we love them all. Yet its unrealistic to put us all under one roof and imagine that even as Christians, were all going to beat the same drum and have the same expectations. One year, Sam and I met with a counsellor and discussed the tensions that existed and decided we would set a new rule for our family: We do what we know is best for us. We decided to take each year as it comes, weigh up the blessing of being all together, versus what we actually need as a family. We adopted a great mantra "I love you but, this is whats best for us". There have been a couple of years we actually have celebrated Christmas alone, or consecutively with my side of the family, simply because their nearer. The thing that stands out to me, is that without the confines of obligations and rules unwritten, we actually feel more free to love and enjoy family and to make opportunity to be together when we can. Have Fun Its a given right?! But its not always 'natural'. Sam is probably the most playful fun loving Daddy I know. I kid you not when I say that nearly every night, he comes home and engages the kids in some game/ activity/ challenge which involves lots of laughter. He loves to do it. As a homeschooling mum, who manages the home, and needs order, I have to be more intentional about the 'fun'. I learnt off Rosie Boom a great rule: "Do the work, then play". We have a schedule we work through daily on our school stuff, and the kids live for the afternoons where its all wrapped up and out comes the art, sewing, bike rides, clay, craft, lego, library trips, ice cream adventures and field trips. These fun times refresh all of us. For a long time weve been purposeful to make meal time special too. Every night, out come candles and we make the dinner table a place to fellowship. Just the other day, I bought a set of bright coloured plates and bowls from Stevens, on sale. It melted me when we lay the table and Nate exclaimed "Mum, I love these plates, theyre so HAPPY". A worthy investment to creating memories and conversation that I pray will last forever.

The art of quiet rest..

Rest is an art. To each of us in its ideal form it means something different.. lying on a beach, reading a book, drinking coffee, people watching, enjoying good company and good food... taking one day off from the grind. God knew we needed it. Still, its something Im not so good at: Treating Sundays as a day of rest. Yet in the past couple of months Ive been reminded: Life has rhythms and seasons, all God given. One of them was that he patterned for us that which is good for us. Taking a day where life doesn't revolve around doing. As a mother, that takes planning. Yet its something Im determined to make a part of our lives. I have not always been successful.. but were getting there! So here are some things I have found make that work: Getting the washing up to date. Obvious I know, but I cant relax when the laundry is begging my attention. Staying up a little later on Saturday night to get things dry, put things away, lay out the kids clothes for Church - simple but it helps create order. Meal Prep. The kitchen is pretty hard to avoid, unless youre eating out, and I still hold the dream to make Sunday lunches a time to invite people over. I hold the greater dream to be able to do that, spontaneously, and no fret about the state of the home! Last night I took the time, while making dinner, to pre-make a pizza base for lunch, cook a base for lemon meringue pie, and pull out the chicken thighs and spices to make moroccan chicken (slow cook - little prep). It means if there is the chance that we have pop in guests, I can know we have something on offer. But mostly it means I can spend more time being 'still' and less time pondering and preparing food.

No TV/ DVD's. We dont have tv, so were limited to DVD's. But knowing that Sundays that screen wont go on is lovely. Room Time. I dont make my kids strictly go to their rooms (mainly as they share rooms).. but I do ask them for an hour of quiet, uninterrupted play. They can draw, read, build lego, puzzles - whatever. As long as its on their own and without noise. That hour where the house is a peaceful lull is heaven. And I use that hour to do what refreshes me: lie down, read, make plans for my next creative project, or write, such as Im doing now. Hospitality. Being with others can just bring a joy and rest to life that refreshes the soul. It doesn't always have to equal stress, elaborate meals and rushing around in the kitchen. Why not plan a communal lunch: buns, coleslaw and a hot chicken. Or pop on a loaf of homemade bread and slice it up with simple spreads. Easier still, take advantage of the local park with its BBQ. We have one down the road thats free.. all the mess is the birds business, and its little effort to throw some sausages on the grill, butter some bread and bring a bottle of squeezy sauce. Forget the salad and picnic blankets and fussy utensils... serviettes are fine, take some plastic cups and use the water. Finally. Plan for success! As a family, were in a transition period right now, seeking God for what is next for our lives. It takes mental energy to talk about what it looks like and how we plan for it. This morning, we skipped Church and opted instead to take the kids to the local plant shop, where there is a cafe, and a park. We ordered a coffee for ourselves, sent the kids to play, and took the time and fresh air to list the pro's/ con's and our family dreams and intentions. After we'd listed those, we called the kids back to the table and talked with them about their part in it. They each had precious gems to share and we came away with some clear and exciting goals for the Cahill Clan.

Abuse in Church

I lay in bed the other night and quite randomnly, I remembered an incident from when I was a teenager. I used to do a paper run and there was a married man, much older than me, from our Church, whose house was near ours. He would always smile and be friendly. From time to time, he would be out biking, meandering around the streets while I just hapenned to be on my route. He would bike along with me for a bit, chatting, and although it struck me as a little odd.. I didnt give it much weight. Until one day he stopped outside a home he was building, in our subdivision, and invited me to look through it. I was hesitant and confused.. too young to understand, yet too old to ignore the misgivings I had. I agreed politely and rushed through the rooms, trying to ignore the hand on my back, the fact that no one else was there, the weirdness of his behaviour. I headed for the front door, got on my bike and carried on. Later that day I quit my paper run. At the time, I remember thinking how silly I felt for even feeling uneasy or wary of him. Yet with years, hindsight and wisdom, I was able to clearly identify the predatory nature of his actions and was grateful for my gut instincts to over-ride my politeness and desire of pocket money, with a need for safety. As I sat tonight, praying, I recognized a fire God has lit within me. You see, there are so many stories of abuse hapenning 'in church'.. no, not necessary inside its walls, but by members who you should trust, and the lack of talking, discussion and frankness is a breeding ground for danger. People who have a profile of being trustworthy, noteable, respected; who are in reality, undermining, attacking and damaging families, children and the innocent. And you bet, it grieves my heart, and sure grieves Gods. First of all, abuse isnt always of a sexual nature, as my story hints above. Sometimes its much more subtle than that.. and dangerous. Emotional and spiritual abuse is harder to pin, and often takes a mask of looking like religion. I fear that, more than anything, because its often the most ignored and disregarded. The church tends to excuse it under lines of 'grace, forgiveness, personality, preference'. So how can you keep you and your children safe? #1 Abuse is intentional and controlling. The feelings a victim has, are often paralyzing and silent. It seeks to build trust, isolation and loyalty and the most alarming thing, is that others around often cant see what is going on for you. Be wary of those who be-friend you fast and single you out. Especially those who have a 'ministry' profile of some sort and act that way. They will make you feel 'extra special' and that should be your first warning. #2 Note how much personal information is shared. Abusers tend to go very personal, very quickly. They will share things that are at a level that make you feel you are trusted and ask the same of you. #3 Dont be afraid to offend. I dont let my children go to other kids homes alone. They always go in pairs and stay in pairs. I wont let them shower or bath with others, and we dont do sleep overs. They know they can punch anyone in the face who touches any of their private areas and I wont growl. They know to not keep secrets from us, to never go into a room with someone alone. Im strict, and yes, Im sure Ive offended many a friend whose rules arent as strict as ours, and who dont understand. I dont care. Id rather an offended friend than a messed up child. Right now, Sam and I are our childrens voices and we take that job seriously. #4 If you feel unsafe, say so. The Bible says that the fear of man is a snare, but the fear of God leads to life. Fear often leaves us silent.. so SPEAK UP! To an authority, leader or someone you trust. If they ignore you, go to a trained counsellor outside your circumstances but within your community. An even more daring move: Call the offender into a meeting with someone professionally trained and outside the situation. Chances are, they wont agree to it, but that alone is telling enough. If someone has nothing to hide, there is no reason to fear talking. Refusing to talk, is again, control, and you dont have to sit under that. #5 Trust your instincts. A couple of years ago I walked through an issue which left me traumatized, only I didnt know it! At the time I felt upset, however, my body started doing strange things. I developed a thumb fasciculation (twitch) and I would wake in the night literally shaking all over. I tried to ignore it, but finally one night in womans homegroup, I broke. I felt like a mess as I tried to gather my overwrought self into some state of normal and my dear homegroup leader made a wonderful suggestion: Go to a chiropractor. The thing is, at the chiropractor, he, being a Christian, quickly identified that I was carrying tension in my back, and over breathing from stress, and the combined effect was causing my thumb to twitch. He didnt cure it straight away, but it lead to the next best decision... I booked into a counsellor. He listened to what had hapenned for me, and my body symptoms and on the spot announced: Your traumatized and what you are experiencing is normal! We spent some time working that through and I learnt something HUGELY profound.. to trust my instincts. Each of us has a God given ability to sense right and wrong, and when we ignore that, it causes us stress. Some stress is good, but that kind of stress is damaging. Im still learning it, but I give a lot more weight to my instinct and discernment these days. Its usually right because its God given. The thing is, instinct cant always be explained and rationalized so dont try. Make a personal decision that although you cant give reasons, youre going to listen to the cautions you have and trust them. #6 Get wisdom. Often were so 'in' the situation we cant see clearly. When youre in an abusive situation, its often very confusing and heart breaking. Your own emotions can make it difficult to separate yourself from the issue. Ive read stories lately of woman who have gone through some horrendous abusive situations by Christian men.. and yet in it, they cant see the truth of how unloving the behaviour is. Or if they can, they dont know how to get out of it. God is our advocate, our very best friend and our hiding place. He is wise to provide a way through and out of the storm! Yes, He is there in the prison with us.. but many of us forget that those prison bars are wide apart and we can step right through, right over, and beyond the issues which others place on us. Fear of the future is often what holds us back from the courageous step of moving forward. Were afraid.. is there life beyond the prison bars? Is it more of the same? Will we be further ostracized and alienated?. Yes the world is full of more of the same.. but you wont ever be the same. Your experience doesnt have to break you, God can use it to make you an advocate for someone else who is sitting silent in a prison. But unless you step out, how will you reach others who feel like you feel? Unless you take a step of courage, how will you know that even in darkness, God holds you. He will NEVER let you go.

Letters to my number 6

Ive struggled to even begin this diary. Not because, sweet one, you are any less hoped for, dreamed of or amazing.. you are more so than ever before. But its hard. Acknowledging that I think you are there makes you 'known'. For now, you are just known to the Lord. And perhaps a little bit me, suggested to your dad and to everyone else.. I want to keep you hidden. I realise weeks on, that the hardest part of losing Poppy, was the sense that it was doomed for me, for her. Words people said, well meaning, but none the less.. like I was not fit enough, able enough, good enough, to carry her. I find myself sitting here asking the Lord a question "am I good enough to carry this one?". Its more of a challenge "go on, take it away, Im not going to bear it under my heart, than it wont hurt". For the first time I find myself offering a sacrifice that bewilders me. Fear, of that which I believe we should never fear. Fear of what can touch the secret places. Fear of finding that it depends upon me. That there is something I dont know, that everyone else does. A reason which Im unworthy... a reason I'll never know or put my finger on. Sweet one, Im sorry you have a bit of a mess of a mother right now. I want you to know, with all of my heart, you truly are a God born desire. I guess I need to allow God to let me look again upon the ashes and dare to believe that He can bring beauty out of them there. That He can bring you out of there. May God bless you and truly carry you in the palm of His able hands. 7th June. I think Im about 7 weeks now. I havent tested yet but my body sure is telling me that you are there. Rolling over in bed sometimes brings stabs of stretching inner tendons and this mornings attempt at routine went like this: Get up, put on make up, throw some clothes on, brush hair remark to self "hmm, not feeling so sick today?". Go to kitchen, avoid breathing, look at Sams marmalade toast and try and decide if it makes me hungry, or just queezy. Maybe both. Put on 2 pieces of Vogel toast because the Freya's thick slices are more than I can handle. Go to sink and find crockpot still full of the liquid from last nights dinner that I couldnt finish making, because it was too much for my senses. Gag. Go to toilet because the gag feels a bit more than a gag. Dry wretch into the toilet for the next ten minutes while the song line "its all coming back, its all coming back to me now" goes around in my head. Sam heads straight for the garage and I cant blame him. Vomit and Sam dont cope well together. I would have laughed were it not for being the one dry wretching. After a while he calls out "Im going now, bye guys". I want to ask him to rub my back and give me tender looks while me and the toilet get re-aquainted. But truth is, he and I both know, its a welcome affliction. Staring down the toilet bowl makes me beam with joy.. the short discomfort that will soon give way to kicks, wriggles, teeny little socks and a lifetime of dreams in this mothers heart of mine. Ive been praying for you. Often. The sense I have is that I have a joyful prophetic wee bundle of larger than life within me. You are wonderful. I love you to bits. xxx 8th June. Spending most of my time now either trying not to throw up, wishing I could close my eyes and sleep for the next 5 or so weeks.. theyre such welcome feelings. Today I got to hold baby Grace in Church. The feeling of a precious snuggling little poppet in my arms was divine. I found my heart aching for the day I will hold you. This afternoon I lay on the couch with a cookbook. Thats usually my favourite 'chill out' zone, but today it served a different purpose.. WHAT am I craving?? Langbein makes for great reading, but today all her pictures made my stomach roll... till finally I saw lemon meringue pie and then a thai sauce with limes and nailed it: citrus! Craved citrus with Amy too and asked myself why I didnt plant a lime and grapefruit tree back in those pregnancy days?? Oh yeah.. because we werent going to do this again. Do you know how wonderful it is that I get to do this again? You should see the kids faces when I talk about you. Amy likes to rub my belly and she keeps asking me when youre coming out. So today I worked out youre due about 25th January. Wonderful, just in time to enjoy summer days and fresh breezes and beautiful flowers. You already bring summer to my soul. God Bless you my little blueberry. xxx 9th. 1:30am. The dilemma of morning sickness. Am I hungry or is that nausea? Both. I know it's the middle of winter but I want so much to throw open the doors and let in fresh air.. The lingering smell of dinner is getting to me. Instead I think I might just stare down the toilet some more. 10th. Sweet bundle, I love placing my hand on my stomach and knowing you are there. Today I feel a lot brighter.. which makes up for the fact that I spent as much as I could of yesterday nauseous and lying on the couch. I woke early with your daddy and determined to have a bright face for today. Introducing: Dry Shampoo. That stuff is genius. I have so much to show you! :) Dads thinking ahead too.. he asked me this morning where we plan on feeding you, in your highchair... and on our expensive red rug ;) Cuteness, you have to know, that alone should be reason for you to know how VERY loved and wanted you are. That your dad was willing, no make that prayerful, for you to come into our lives... in this newly renovated home.. on our recently laid carpet.... let me just say: youre planned. And desired. More than any of these earthly things. More than all of his hard work could buy for us. That saying... would you mind, if you could, not being a spilly baby? Would be real helpful :) Just sayin. Love you blueberry. Immensely. xxxx 12th. I wish I were feeling sicker than I am. The past few days, I havent felt so sick. Sure Ive gagged. But I feel wrapped up in anxiety as to whether or not my hormones are sufficient for you. Today I cried. Im helpless. Helpless to do anything to keep you there. And the trauma of losing Poppy is coming back to me. I want to trust you to Jesus.. but I did that with Poppy and He took her home. This exercise of trust is so unbearable. I keep praying.. for a brief moment of today I felt sure that it was all going to be okay, that you are going to be fine. I want so much for God to confirm that.. I want, more than anything, just to enjoy YOU. 14th. "Be it unto me according to Your Word" Luke 1:38. Father, it was you who whispered across our hearts "Children are a blessing from the Lord". It was You who whispered this life into my womb. It is You and You alone who can bring all Your promises to pass. So I am putting aside today my earthly understanding, I want to receive YOUR promise. Your Word. Be it unto me according to Your Word. I rest my security there. 16th. Introducing again.. 4am. And the laying awake with "am I sick, or maybe just hungry?". Lie there and try not to wake hubby up.. give up, come downstairs, drink milk, eat biscuit. Helps some. Drink another glass of milk. Still feel bit yuck. Wish I hadnt drunk so much milk :) I must have done this all about 5 years ago with Amy. It seem so long ago! Glad to do it again with you. More than you know. Love you milky poppet, so much. xx 17th. The past 24 hours have given me reason to believe without doubt that I am very sick. And very pregnant. Tim is cooking dinner tonight, Cornish Pasties. Oh praise God for capabe ten year olds.. because Id quite like to just bury my head in pillows and pretend food doesnt exist. Except Ginger Beer. My new hero. Which isnt really a food but I am grateful for the stuff none the less. And grateful for you. x 18th. Right now your biggest brother is making pull apart pizza bread for lunch. Home ec was on his homeschool list. By the end of this first trimester, he's going to be fully qualified. I decided something in the wee hours of the night. I was suddenly hit with this wonderful thought "what if all my days carrying you, were marked in the verses of hope and truth I stored up in my heart for you and for me". So thats what Ive committed to. Excites me. On another note, your sister Amy tells me often that you are her baby. I get the honour of changing your nappies, she doesnt seem to be partial to that task. Funny that ;). Love you baby. x 23rd June. My favourite feeling right now.. feeling sick. Highlight of my pregnancy was today: Seeing YOU. On the screen. My little peanut. Looking so very plump, cute and deliciously well. You are 23.82mm crown to rump. So little, but so very big to us. You are exactly 9wks 1 day, perfectly accurate to what you should be. And you are due on 25th January 2015. I look forward to being a waddling whale this summer coming. Oh precious soul, I love you to bits. You are a gift! xxxx 30th June. Yesterday I was praying and I felt God speak to me about you. That you were a blessing and a reward, a gift that would give beyond the walls of our home. I wonder what purpose and call God has on your life? Yesterday in Church we prayed that you would know where you are and that your little heart would beat for joy to be in the presence of God. May you know Him even in this secret place. x 1st July. My stomach line is long passed and my pre pregnancy figure seems a distant memory. Already my body is growing and changing and I look pregnant. Your daddy loves it. I love it. Ive found myself dreaming of when you are here, what you will look like, smell like, feel like. Its so exciting :) 2nd July. I cried last night for Poppy. Tears that didnt make a lot of sense to me. Sometimes Im just reminded by your preciousness, of your sister, whose toes and nose I dont get to kiss for a long time. Strangely the tears also drew me closer to you. I love you. x 5th. it's 1:40am. Daddy is away hunting with Tim and I'm awake fighting the urge to throw up. Dad has had lemon water by the bed which has become one of my saving graces... I think I've downed 4 glasses just this evening. I have Amy here beside me, doing her best to stick to my side of the bed. I must have moved her over a handful of times already... To no avail, she likes to know I'm near. On that note, I think you're coming into the most a affectionate family out. You will never lack for snuggles and kisses. As you get older, there will always be someone willing to let you climb in their bed if you're cold or scared. I like that, this family knows to treasure one another. 11wks now and counting.. Already over a 1/4 way there :). I don't want to rush it, I just want to enjoy growing you x 21st July. 13 + 2 was. Today was heartbeat day. Dad happened to pop home right before we left and tagged along for the ride.. So we all got to hear your little heart together for the first time. I know that sound delighted me with the others, but with you, it was like the sound of heaven itself.

Clothed.

The Lord has been impressing upon me over and over lately a concept of being clothed. I like that. Clothed in Him. It sounds nice. It sounds lovely. Ah yes, that lovely radiant robe that He drapes upon me when I walk through the doors of Church and I suddenly feel amazing. Light. Free. Secure. Okay, but truth is. Sometimes Im left wondering how come Im walking around in something that feels more drab than fab. And why my insecurities seem to be on parade, instead of the confidence I have in Christ. I was talking to a dear friend in Church today about thanksgiving. She made a comment "A garment of thanksgiving is something we have to put on". Isaiah 61:3 Ugh. How real a truth!! We often forget that if we are to walk clothed in the righteousness of God, and under His beautiful radiant robe of royalty.. we must actually put it on. And that requires us first, to take something off. Our pride. Im going to get real here. You know that drab garment of shame that you wear for comfort, because someone falsely accused you, misused you and said all kinds of nasty things against you?? ..... You know why you hold onto it so tight? Because of your pride. Inside your screaming "I dont deserve this". Yet acknowledging the undeservedness, you somehow cant get rid of it. It seems to hang off you like a repulsive odor from which you cant smother enough talc or perfume to rid the stench. The truth is. How undeserved the treatment was, inside your pride cries out "Im worth more". The Word says this: Philippians 2:5 "You should have the same attitude toward one another that Christ Jesus had.. he made himself nothing". NOTHING. Harsh words, criticism, pain, wrong treatment. They are inevitable. Yet you have a choice. You can run around like a mad nutter in self defence and hurt, unforgiveness and with a determination to right the wrongs, clear your name, give your side of the story..... OR You can stand before your foe, the Enemy, and say "you are right, I am NOTHING. I may not have been guilty of what you accuse me of, but I am guilty of so much more. Amy Carmichael has a quote that has profoundly changed my life.. "If I feel bitterly towards those who condemn me, as it seems to me, unjustly, forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more, then I know nothing of Calvary love." Condemnation is from the enemy of your soul. It is the most strategic attempt to have you rushing about and pouring all your energy into reminding yourself why you are worthy of so much more. Jesus has already paid the price for you. He already has ready for you a garment, a robe of righteousness that is UNDESERVED AND RADIANT in Him. Want it? Then choose to put it on. How? Take of your filthy garments of sin. Ephesians 4:20. Envy, pride, anger... Give thanks! 1 Thess 5:18 Know whose you are, not who you are Psalm 45:13-14. Dont buy into the fear that will try and cripple you into being who they think you are. It wont work to know who you are, or to 'find yourself' or even to just 'be yourself'. When you know you are child of God, a daughter of the King, when youve spent time at His feet, your behaviour will follow accordingly. It wont be contrived or performed, it will be an overflow. Rest in His faithfulness Deuteronomy 29:5. His garments never run out. Ever.

If..

“If my attitude be one of fear, not faith, about the one who has disappointed me; if I say “Just what I expected,” if a fall occurs, then I know nothing of Calvary Love.” ― Amy Carmichael, If. Sam and I were talking last night. Our conversation was on the tendency to grow old and disillusioned with man. In general. I have friends who I know find it near impossible to trust people. Ive heard more times than I dare count "I dont trust anyone" and I have had a huge number of people tell me increasingly, their despondency towards Church function and its emptiness. And I get it. So we asked ourselves a question... how do you come through 'alive'? How do you accept others, but not carry their 'junk?' How do you trust, but not go to your grave disappointed? How do you reach out, but not be trodden on? How do you believe all things, but not be made a fool? How do you hope all things, but not be left despondent? How do you love, and not walk in hatred? What if you dont want to be a doormat?.... So what is the answer???? John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease. What if you went to your grave: Treated as junk. Disappointed by others. Trodden all over. Believed to be a fool. Hated. And what if you found that Jesus was glorified in those things. That He was enough. That you were so consumed in His love, that nothing could quench your desire and boldness to live out love as He lived it. What if you chose the low road, so that others could climb higher. What if you chose to be a doormat, so that someone could have cleaner shoes for the journey. What if you were okay to be hated, so that someone could seek wholeness. What if your expectation of man was faith. All the time. What if love believed the best...... Choose to be the 'if' today.