I remember as a little girl, opening up the dressing table drawer in my mums room.
It was like the place of treasures; Make up, perfume bottles, notes.. for some reason I was always captivated with its contents.
And today as I sat with God, I saw a picture of an old french worn drawer handle, worn but graceful and I felt the little girl in me whisper “open it up, whats inside?”
And I somehow knowing what inside, was still surprised...
Theres a rose still wet with yesterdays rain - the one I saw yesterday and longed to pick. The one that reminded me that I too can be as tender as a petal and as sturdy as a bloom in a downpour.
There is an ornament of a mother holding her child, peaceful and radiant. My heart skips as I count through my kids .. and skips a beat when I think again of Poppy. Tears are never far when I think of her. He reminds me once more “Im holding you both”. I wish I could plant a kiss on her tender wee head and I wish my arms could wrap her up. I wish I could feel like I have it all so better sorted with the precious wee ones I can hold. Yet He knows and my heart knows ‘Grace upon grace’.
Theres stitches and glitter and confetti - stars and hearts and tiny diamonds. The delicate details of celebrations, memories, dreams, creations and things that speak to all the dreams He has placed in me. He reminds me - this is the season Fleur. You are living the season I have prepared you for, and I will prepare you for the season to come as you give yourself now to this. Stitch upon stitch. Moment by moment. Day by day.
And then there is a word on a chain:
I pause a moment. I love that word! Its my favourite word in fact.. yet why is it sitting here in my drawer? I am not lovely... surely He knows that, He only needs to flick through the pages of that precious journal and see how many times my life is not lovely.
I open the journal with Him.... where are those pages? Where are those stories? They are gone. Instead tears have blotted ink where my ugliness stood and page after page blends into a pattern that whispers to my heart “Lovely”.
I lift my eyes to meet His and He holds my gaze:
“I create Lovely in all things and you are Lovely to me”.
I open my eyes to the mounds of laundry and dishes in the sink and I realise what He is showing me.. its all lovely to Him.. and as I once again go to bring order, and life, once more to put a meal on the table, once more to wipe the bench while I hold all these longings and dreams and wonderings in my heart.. I hear Him speaking “Lovely”. I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. His approval, his smile, is the loveliest part of my day.
Philippians 4:8 "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."