Homeschooling - why and how?

Homeschooling Questions

Should I homeschool?
Every year I have wrestled with this question before commencing.
Its not because I don't enjoy to homeschool.. but as any parent can attest, carrying the weight and responsibility of raising kids - and especially their education - is no light matter. I don't believe we should dismiss the learning process with cliche answers such as "learning is life" and "learning happens as life happens". Absolutely discovery does. But learning is far more than discovery. It is the development of a child's giftings, character, strengths and awareness for the purpose of fulfilling their God given calling. Is it enjoyable? Yes! Is it handwork? Yes! Do yourself a favour and knock on the head any pretenses you held that homeschooling mothers possess an extra measure of grace, patience, or divine heavenly sweetness. Comparison is a bad place to start.. "The cause of much insecurity is the human inclination to compare ourselves with one another. Success lies in what we are becoming, not in what we are accumulating, or achieving." David Riddell
Do I enjoy it? Yes I do love it. Teaching is in my bones. I spent my childhood teaching my teddy bears on a rug and when my kids were toddlers, I loved taking them on field trips and creating learning opportunities. I love to research and to understand what makes people tick. I will mention David Riddell a few times in this blogpost, and Ill explain why soon.. but it is he who said something that hasn't left me: Success is first and foremost good mental health... "You may become powerful, wealthy or popular, but you can’t take any of it with you! Think carefully about your definition of success – you won’t be in this world much longer".
I enjoy to create memories and an environment for my kids that nurtures and enables them to grow and discover their strengths. I love to learn alongside them. Our days are full and often creative and we are ever discovering new ways to relate to each other and love Jesus. Homeschooling offers us the opportunity to have healthy relationships with each other, and the kids with their siblings. I often remind them: If you can get along well with each other, you will do much better at getting along with your peers and employees as an adult. The greatest strength, in my opinion, of homeschooling is being able to stop at any given obstacle, difficulty, thought or moment in a day and talk to Jesus. I personally believe the best learning environment, is the one where what He says, believes and thinks about you, matters most. Being able to provide an environment where I can constantly bring back our goals, character growth, difficulties and struggles, to the truth? YES IM WINNING.. because there is nothing more valuable, more healthy, more brain growing and real than Gods truth.

Okay moving on to resources for them:

We don't use a set curriculum and I don't use any resource that is ill fitting to our dynamics. By way of routine I try to move the kids co jointly through their subjects so there is a cohesiveness in the home. Thats what works for us.

MATHS
We use math u see which is a book and DVD and progresses through levels. I am so impressed with this resource! It's thorough and manageable.
I also use the games (found online) for the NZ Numeracy Programme, at TKI, to reinforce mathematical skills for Amy.

READING
I heard it said that a group of successful homeschooled students described that their two key learning successes were; being read to aloud and unit studies (projects). So if you can read books to your kids and you can take a current event, a topic of interest or a query and turn it into a project.... You're capable of being a homeschooler!
I read 20-30 minutes every day to the kids together while they draw and I constantly scour out good books to read together. We use the library a LOT.
I also have the kids choose one novel a week to read, and at least one non fiction- they often choose a dozen. I get all Amy's early readers plus story books from the library also and each day we read 2. One she reads to me, the other I read to her.. The next day she reads me the book I read to her the day previous. I also read a lot of picture books to her also. In addition we progress through a series called Phonic Readers which is a small set of 4 books. They are absolutely brilliant! Amy also does Jolly Phonics and the accompanying activity sheets. We will transition her to activity sheets working with blends as she gets more proficient (blends being sounds like Sh, ch, tr etc).

WRITING/ LANGUAGE
There are SO many great writing resources and Ive changed and swapped amongst many of them.
My favourites are:
Handwriting Without Tears (and despite 'experts' saying that computers are replacing handwriting, I disagree that its an unneeded skill.
Draw.Write.Now. I use this teaching the kids to learn to write and draw. Its a copying exercise and simple, but helps them develop awareness of letter formation, pencil grip, sentence structure etc.
The Writing Book by Sheena Cameron. I love this resource. Its so thorough and multi levelled and full of ideas, writing planning sheets and examples to follow. I use this a lot to compliment our project and personal studies. For instance, when we focussed on Autumn, I followed all the toolkit ideas to develop a unit around poetry.
I also have begun using Institute of Excellence in Writing which has been highly recommended. In retrospect I wish I had of commenced my homeschooling with this under my belt, as it is really thorough.
We also do diary writing (recount) a lot of time, speed writing and use Fix It Grammar and Excel books to work through writing skills.
In addition I also frequently have the kids memorise poems and practise impromptu speeches in front of one another.

SPELLING
We do a lot of spelling as a process of correction in writing and incorporate these words into their learning. In addition we use the online game, Spellodrome and the book series "Spelling Workout" found online at Book Depository.

SCIENCE
We have a combination of resources:
At preschool level I use Suzys World and a book called Mugpies and Magnets, which is really fun. Its short lessons that incorporate an awareness of science around us.
Ive used Winter Promise in the past to do some neat science topics, but hands down my favourite is "Apologia". Its not cheap, however it comes with accompanying activity books and presently I am progressing all four of my school kids through Physics and Chemistry.

HISTORY
I love Story of the World by Susan Wise Bauer. It comes with an activity book which includes maps, games, puzzles, projects etc.

PROJECTS
I try to have the kids work through one project or topic of interest a week and generally I give Fridays to project day. Over the years, we have used current events to create some amazing learning projects. When Catherine and Prince William were getting married, we studied the Westminster Abbey, created our own 2D replica, explored the ringing of the bells and their significance. When Christchurch had its earthquakes, we collected newspaper articles and researched earthquakes, survival kits and stories of survival to create a scrapbook that is every bit a history record in our home. When the ship Rena was grounded, it launched a study into ecology, marine life and environment. After watching the movie Paper Planes, we studied paper plane designs, flight techniques and had our own paper plane competition. Hands down, projects are the most fun in our home. This week our theme is Pizza. A friend gave us a cheese making kit so we are going to make our own Mozzarella, study Italy and have a Pizza Party. And I cannot recommend enough, this resource for project ideas that will blow you away: Amanda Bennett.com

EXTRA CURRICULAR
We enrol the kids into swimming lessons over the summer period, and the boys attend the Aspire Gym once a week. Amy attends ballet also. We enrolled the kids in music lessons last year, however this year we have reduced our schedule significantly and given that a break. I have had seasons of doing many activities, and seasons of none. My recommendation is try not to do more than one or two activities a term per child.. set a limit. Music is often a very pushed subject, and its important but remember; not everyone has to learn an instrument as a young child, and you are never to old to learn to play. Some of the most gifted musicians I know are self taught so think and look beyond the boxes.

CHARACTER/BIBLE
Ive put this last but it isn't last in our home. We start the day praying and we often take seasons where we read through devotionals daily. I haven't done it a lot recently but I love starting our learning day reading one proverb and discussing its meaning, then copying into our Bible book.


Finally, the question I get asked most... what about ME time???
I think the greatest gift you can give your kids as a homeschooling mum, is looking after yourself.
Exercise daily and eat healthy!! I do 30 minutes a day through the app Sweat With Kayla. In the past Ive walked, attended the gym, ran, done bootcamp etc. Just move! Its good for you :)
Regularly pause and slow down. If you don't, don't be surprised when you get burnt out and run down. This message changed my life!
http://bethlehem.org.nz/sermons/sunday-nights-rhythms-sabbath/ along with the resources he recommends in the message.
Take time to play! Its easy to stop enjoying the kids when the balance gets lost. Don't lose the balance. Have good boundaries and take time regularly to create memories, go on mini breaks. Sometimes I just do simple things like sneak out for breakfast on my own, or take an hour to write, walk or create beauty.
Having a healthy self awareness is so vital to coping as a homeschooling mum. In a way, as a homeschooler you live in a glass bowl with many people (rightly so) viewing, observing, and noting your journey. You don't get an annual report, you get a weekly assessment by way of the older woman in the shopping supermarket, the other mums in the local playground and the people you bump into on your daily walks. Most of the time its really positive. And sometimes the greatest criticism is the way you interpret a look you got, or the things you tell yourself. How you cope with that, will very much depend on your ability to not take things too personally, know your beliefs and values, take control of your thoughts, identify and lower expectations, and live in the grace of God. One of the most life changing things I have done for myself, at the recommendation of our insightful Pastoral Care ministers in our Church, was to study "Truth Coaches" by David Riddell. I did the online course and I truly believe it is the first resource any homeschooling mum should get her hands on... well any parent full stop!

I hope that helps and Im always happy to answer any questions I get asked.

Opinion Bias

I pulled into the drive outside a white house ~ #7.
I sat with the kids in the car, weighing up the prompt I felt in God to go here... against the facts Id been told.
Id been told the right house was #57: Thats where the couple lived whose meal I was dropping off.

I had all the kids in the car while I sat engine running, mulling over the weight I felt to go knock on this door.. ignoring it, I drove on to the right house, #57.
I congratulated myself as I pulled into the 'right' driveway and took the meal in. The carpet cleaner met me at a now empty home;"Oh, you're looking for them... they are actually just at friends house down the road, why don't you drop the meal off there?". I hesitated for a second, wondering whether I should even bother them.. yet with his super warm smile he said "Theyre just at the lane a few doors down, at house #7.
The penny didn't drop right there.
I got back in the car, drove up to the road again and said "okay, #7, where is that?.... oh wait! I know where number #7 is". And back I went to the white house. You better believe that I sat outside that home for more than just a moment with a little awe.

I was watching Aircraft Investigations with my son yesterday, and one of the investigators was explaining how he felt when he arrives at a crash site.
He went on to describe how investigators purposefully don't turn on the news or radio prior to visiting a crash site. They don't allow outside opinions to creep in, before beginning their work: simply because it subconsciously affects the way they undertake their investigation. He explained how important it was to begin investigations with no subconscious bias so they can search thoroughly for accurate clues.

We all hold opinion bias and the reality is, it makes us blind to the potential of the bigger picture - especially what the Holy Spirit is saying. Thats the danger of gossip. We hear partial facts, and even if we don't necessarily feel that we've taken on board those ideas emotionally, it creates an "opinion bias" in our interaction with people. I know because Ive been there! When you hold that partiality, all behaviour subconsciously filters through what we've been told.. and we can often conclude "They must be right, because it makes sense!".

The Holy Spirit has no opinion bias. He is the prompt that says #7 not #57 against all your logical facts. He is the one that says "This person is mine" when you're about to write someone off. He is the one that says "Talk to them" when their countenance says not to bother. When we ignore that prompt, we miss the hidden blessing that God has in store for our lives. The tender conversation, the opportunity to minister and bless, the indescribable joy that comes when we know our lives are in tune with His. Its not that its easy or without inconvenience... it ALWAYS requires us to be brave and say "Im going to take a risk here!"

I was talking to a friend today about the times we hesitate to listen to that prompt...
"What if Im wrong?, What if they don't like me? What if they think less of me? What if Im just being a pain!?"
Have you ever had that? When you felt you should pray for someone, or give someone a gift, or tell someone you care about them, or let someone know you're thinking of them.... but ignore it because that person is complicated, or youve heard some things about them, or maybe you just think they really don't need to hear it from little old you... and what if you end up looking like a ridiculous idiot?

But what if you actually saw yourself the way God sees you?!!
What if you were brave enough to step up and speak the truth?
What if you dropped off that meal to that house that you keep feeling you should, but why would they need it?
What if you dropped a note into your friends letterbox that said "You're valued and heres why..?"
What if you stopped to talk to that person who you had written off?
What if you told your leader how much they bless you, even though you're sure they don't need to hear it from you?
What if you phoned that person that youve had on your heart all week?

If you and I are going to stop operating out of those places of Opinion Bias... we need to slow down enough to hear what God is saying. We need to lean into the EXTRAVAGANT opinion He has of us and hear what He is saying. We need to stop listening to the reasoning voice of fear and timidity and start listening to the voice of God which says "I AM AND IN MY NAME"
And who knows what door that could open?
What Opinion Bias do you hold right now that is stopping you!? What is stopping you stepping into that place of service in the Church that you feel God has laid on your heart? Maybe you love children but won't step up because you feel its insignificant, or maybe you want to reach out to someone elderly and drop around flowers, but are scared they might just think you're a pain? But what if there is one child in that Church whose life you can forever change, because you showed up? And what if that elderly person is going to speak words of wisdom and insight into your life that will empower you forever? How will you know if you don't dare to let go of only half the facts?

Next time the Holy Spirit prompts you to stop short of a destination or a conclusion about someone you were about to make.. lean in... God has something more for you!

Lovely

I remember as a little girl, opening up the dressing table drawer in my mums room.
It was like the place of treasures; Make up, perfume bottles, notes.. for some reason I was always captivated with its contents.

And today as I sat with God, I saw a picture of an old french worn drawer handle, worn but graceful and I felt the little girl in me whisper “open it up, whats inside?”

And I somehow knowing what inside, was still surprised...

Theres a beautifully inscribed notebook with my name on it and all the details about me. Stories and love notes that God has captured, stories still being written, songs and sometimes just pages with tear drops that need no words, just whispers “Im here”










Theres a rose still wet with yesterdays rain - the one I saw yesterday and longed to pick. The one that reminded me that I too can be as tender as a petal and as sturdy as a bloom in a downpour.

There is an ornament of a mother holding her child, peaceful and radiant. My heart skips as I count through my kids .. and skips a beat when I think again of Poppy. Tears are never far when I think of her. He reminds me once more “Im holding you both”. I wish I could plant a kiss on her tender wee head and I wish my arms could wrap her up. I wish I could feel like I have it all so better sorted with the precious wee ones I can hold. Yet He knows and my heart knows ‘Grace upon grace’.

Theres stitches and glitter and confetti - stars and hearts and tiny diamonds. The delicate details of celebrations, memories, dreams, creations and things that speak to all the dreams He has placed in me. He reminds me - this is the season Fleur. You are living the season I have prepared you for, and I will prepare you for the season to come as you give yourself now to this. Stitch upon stitch. Moment by moment. Day by day.

And then there is a word on a chain:
Lovely.

I pause a moment. I love that word! Its my favourite word in fact.. yet why is it sitting here in my drawer? I am not lovely... surely He knows that, He only needs to flick through the pages of that precious journal and see how many times my life is not lovely.
I open the journal with Him.... where are those pages? Where are those stories? They are gone. Instead tears have blotted ink where my ugliness stood and page after page blends into a pattern that whispers to my heart “Lovely”.

I lift my eyes to meet His and He holds my gaze:
“I create Lovely in all things and you are Lovely to me”.

I open my eyes to the mounds of laundry and dishes in the sink and I realise what He is showing me.. its all lovely to Him.. and as I once again go to bring order, and life, once more to put a meal on the table, once more to wipe the bench while I hold all these longings and dreams and wonderings in my heart.. I hear Him speaking “Lovely”. I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. His approval, his smile, is the loveliest part of my day.

Philippians 4:8 "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Budget Follow Up

Ive had people ask me, not wanting to sound nosey, but also curious.. how am I making my budget work some months on?
I thought Id give some super honest feedback... so those of you who were wanting to ask the questions but didnt want to pry: Here goes!

So we set a weekly budget of $530.
At a breakdown.. that is
$300 food and nappies
$40-50 petrol
and then the rest is for things such as mine and kids clothing, homeschool supplies, Friday fun night, gifts for friends and parents, hair and make up supplies, kids haircuts, small house maintenance items, library (fees for holds, DVD's and fines-of which we always have some!), any subscriptions or downloaded files for personal study.

Ive found this figure pretty realistic to work with and its given me flexibility while also allowing me to plan well for those unavoidable expenses such as the fact that all my kids are nearly due new running shoes.

What didnt work?

Gym membership. At $25 a week it was a pricey sacrifice. I love exercise and the gym had a mountain of equipment, including a pool and spa. However, the class times were always a wrestle with juggling baby Joseph and at the best, I was making it twice a week. Thats $12.50 a time! More to the point, I missed the fresh air and quiet like crazy. The blasting music may do it for most people, but when I had time alone, I just wanted something peaceful. I picked up running again and my Pilates DVD and I am happy.. and am better off financially.

Loyalty.
My favourite ever hairdresser left our local Hair Salon last year. So loyalty in this area wasn't hard to break. I now use Grab One and am quite happy to float the salons. You have to be a bit more vocal as to what you want, precisely, as one salon will differ from another in how they describe colour and cut.. but you aren't going to get a disaster when you're simply getting a natural recolour and a trim.. which is what I do.
Loyalty to brands and products is something to question too .I loved Janesce and used it also for years but its expensive. I googled and did some research and decided to try a much cheaper alternative made in France, and found at Strawberry Net called Bioderma. Its half the price and my skin loves it. Im still entirely loyal to Pure Fiji however.

Trying to cut the grocery budget.
I rarely do this, ever. Theres weeks Ive wanted to try and make do with less food, to use the money for something I want (not need), but it messes with our basic supply rotation and causes me a level of stress while I try and plan meals around missing ingredients (which lets face it, when you're a busy mum, thats totally draining right?!)

Things that absolutely work!

Praying!
When Im off to do the shopping with the kids in tow, I pray. I ask the Lord to help us to be wise, to be creative, to honour dads hard work by being good with our finances. Im not perfect (you ask Sam), but I have a desire to get it right.

Knowing what refreshes you inexpensively.
I think as woman, when were tired, we tend to make expensive mistakes. Not hugely impacting, but budget breaking.
Ive learnt instead to know what things truly refresh me. Im blessed to have a mum who has done some extensive research on the the healing power of beauty, and my own journey has included, noting what is beautiful to my eye. Those are the things that I enjoy. When I reflect on seasons of life where I have felt my best, I see patterns of beauty emerging: self care, rest, creativity and order.
For me those things look like this:
* Flowers. I had Sam plant me roses and flowers that I can cut and pick and enjoy. I will also buy an inexpensive bunch of flowers from Countdown once a fortnight and mix them up with what I have at home and place little arrangements in places that I enjoy: Beside our bed, in the kitchen, by the front door.
* Books. I love recipe books and books that inspire me, on homemaking, cooking and sewing. I use the library extensively. Im a total library nerd in that, if a book I want, is available to loan, I basically float out of the library.
* Walking. When Im shattered, I throw on some make up and something that makes me feel a little bit pretty, and go for a walk. Taking a gentle stroll around the neighbourhood does wonders for me. I try each time to just find one thing thats beautiful - the colour of flowers, the sound of the wind, acorns and leaves fallen to the ground, or a little kids giggle as they play.
* Reading a blog. One of my favourites is Kaunispienielama (A Beautiful Life). Its all in Finnish and even when translated it doesnt make a whole heap of sense, but she captures the beauty of motherhood and life in ways that make you want to slow down, play, and get creative with your kids. Granted there will be times you will wonder if you are devoid of some secret dose of time and mental capacity to come up with ideas.. and you may have the urge to paint your entire house white and dress yourself and your kids in shades of pastel only.. but! If you can keep some reign on reality that these pics are simply SNIPPETS of her world, intended to minister beauty back into your reality: you're winning.
* Order. I need not explain. Having my home looking orderly makes me function a thousand times better and the only way that ever really works is for me to constantly clearing the clutter.
* Writing and Craft. I love to create and I love words.. sometimes the best thing is combining those two are doing something entirely for someone else. Even something small is so life giving!

Writing down everything you spend.
I did this for the first couple of months and it was really good for me. I used an app on my iPhone and overtime I spent a cent, I logged it in under the budget titles. It gave me a much better grasp on those hidden expenses and how things add up: parking, treats etc. It sure made me savvy! I carry around cash with me all the time now in coins, and I set a $1 limit on each kid for treats. After time I found I didnt need to do write it all down, as I had a much better grip on where things were going... that saying, the practise is a good one and I should probably do it again.

Keeping a pinterest page of needs/ wants and not buying at full price.
Case in point: I had my heart set on a beautiful shirt that was $109. I waited a few months and the other day it came on special for $29. I have a personal style page on pinterest but make sure that I only pin things in there where I actually own one or more of the items in the pic. Then I know ways I can realistically work with what I own. I also tend to look for accessories that make an outfit work, rather than new clothes, and when I do buy, I generally order from the UK (Next, M&S etc) as you pay a little more but those items last years down the line.

Pay the Kids.
I don't just buy the kids anything.. they know they can earn things on their wish lists by doing jobs around the home (in addition to their daily chores). It helps me get the house in order and they love earning some money too. Sam has then write down anything they've earned in a little book, and when it accumulates we take them shopping. They know the drill: If they see a toy, they work to earn it.. and Im not having to pay someone outside the home to do what my kids can do.

Putting wings on each others dreams.
I don't have any financial goals such as saving for any large amazing item (sorry), but I do have the goal of creating memories, investing in the lives of others and honouring my hubby. Sam is the visionary financially out of the two of us and quite frankly, I am in awe of him. What a job he does! Knowing that this was never my strong point, I came up with the idea of a budget that related to all things for me. That way, I can keep track of a much smaller picture and leave the bigger picture to him. That saying, he knows my dreams are travel, and I know his is investment. Respecting those things in each other makes the day to day finances run well. Perhaps thats more about communicating with each other, than it is about money per say, but its been our experience the two are very intertwined.

Get great advice.
One of the most enlightening comments someone made to us this year, was to ask us how we were investing in ourselves. It wasn't that we had never thought of it, its just that it always took second priority to everything else financially. Some decisions you will make, won't reflect excellent budgeting and great investing. You may not be mortgage free by 30, but you might be healthier and a better parent because of some choices you made to get the best counselling, go and do a course that totally spins your wheels, or swap the job that you don't like, for a less paying job you love. Get advice and get it from great sources. One of the best moves we made last year was to invite the input from our financial adviser, not just into how we run our money, but what our calling us. We've invited some amazing people around to dinner, and we've asked them questions and had them share their experience and our lives are richer for it.

A faulty oven

I'm sitting here with a sparrow for a company and a coffee.
And my heart feels refreshed.
I was driving here thinking about the way it's hard for me sometimes to not operate in a deficit mode.
I know it's easy to justify that because I have 5 kids, homeschool, sleep training etc...
yet it's never really about what's on our plates is it?

I talked to God about it and He reminded me of something:
Last week the oven in the house we just sold wasn't working. The new owner rung me and explained he'd fiddled with it, had an electrician look at it, swapped the fuses and still it had blown the circuit and wasn't going. Under buyer warranty we would need to pay for a new oven. I reassured him we would absolutely honour our end and asked him if we could take a quick look at it before buying the replacement. I took my handy brother and he checked it still had power and then I saw it.. The oven switch had been turned to automatic. I switched it back to manual and bingo! We had a giggle and I showed him the manual and breathed a sigh of relief.

Funny little story yet you and I aren't too different. When we're not functioning well.., or maybe not at all... Its time to look at our mode of operation.
I smiled as I sensed God whispering to me "flick the switch Fleur"
What does that mean?
Well... His Word says "a single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else"
His perspective, His presence, His whisper is peace and joy regardless of circumstances.

So I'm encouraging my heart today: look for Him! He is good!

My 2016 Resolutions

I loved 2015. The Word the Lord gave us for that year was "enlarge". He did enlarge us.. our hearts, our lives, our capacity and our vision.. and family.
Joseph Edward Cahill. What a gift he is!

And going into 2016 I have been praying and asking God for what word to enter the year in...

I flicked on the radio for all of ten seconds and there was the word... "Clarity".

clarity
noun clar·i·ty \ˈkler-ə-tē, ˈkla-rə-\
Simple Definition of clarity

: the quality of being easily understood
: the quality of being expressed, remembered, understood, etc., in a very exact way
: the quality of being easily seen or heard

Viewing my goals through the eyes of clarity means that theyre not a vague expression of something idealistic or unreachable.
They are a means of seeing through decisions with the perspective of what matters.

Clarity is most present in the light of Christ. And that is foundational to my new years goals. Sam has such a sound understanding of the Word, as a result of three years of study in Bible College. So this year we will read through the Bible in a year together.. and I cant wait to pummel him with questions!

Next is loving others. We have so much to learn from others and we learn from them best, when we love them, when we invite them into our lives. So one of my goals is to once a month, invite someone new for Sunday Lunch.

One of my giftings is writing. I have a love of the written word, and I desire to grow and attain to the purpose for which Jesus has given this to me. I want to establish and grow my skills as an author and set up a blog that Ive been itching to do for quite some time.

I have long had a pile of books that I want to read through, and one of my plans this year is to research and discover more of the foundational principles and wisdom that is available, including undertaking a paper or two in Carey Baptist.

Im so aware that my kids are growing up so fast. My eldest is nearly twelve and you better believe the responsibility sits heavy on Sam and I. Investing in these relationships is so vital. I want to step back this year from the 'ought to' demands on our schedule and purposefully seek to invest in their lives, and into the Kingdom. We are going to make some brave decisions this year!

The most important relationship in my life, outside of Jesus, is my husband and I love him dearly. This year were going to make a point of doing twelve amazing dates, one a month. Something thats just us.

We hear it all the time, 'Take time for You'. Ive already made some great changes to that end. I go to the gym three times a week, Ive started running, walking and doing Pilates. I eat healthy and Im fairly careful with what toxins I have around the home. So the changes I want to make are to get to bed earlier, focus on intermittent fasting and doing small things.. like starting the day with a glass of lemon water while I read the Word.

Each of these spell CLARITY. Christ. Love. Author. Read. Invest. Twelve dates. You.

Today I started the year by buying a new pair of walking shoes, going for a run, and then a swim. While shopping I tried on a pair of shorts for running which had me cringing at the post baby evidence. I shared with Sam what I felt and then showed him my instagram feed and why it depressed me. I told him about this years word "Clarity". He was awesome. He promptly blocked all the images that come up that are not helpful.. and unfollowed me from fitness feeds which he could see throw me into despair. I thanked him. "Thats okay he said, Fleur, clarity helps us make good decisions fast".

Amen.

Just Love

This week I was asking God about whether or not we should go, as a family, to a conference next year that looks pretty amazing.
And so as I was researching and talking it over with hubby, I did what we naturally do, I started pressing the doors open. I didnt get far because the major obstacle I hit, was, where to find accommodation for 2 adults and 5 kids. Put that into any 'Accommodation' search engine and it comes up with "Sorry, we have no spaces". Seriously. The best I could come up with was a camping ground or that hubby and I split up for the week, staying in separate motel rooms with 2 and 3 kids respectively.
Not my idea of a great family bonding time!

Then at last, I found the perfect place. The only place in fact still available! And it was only (drum roll) $2300nz for a week.

I get thats fairly reasonable but here's where the rubber meets the road in my faith. I know thats not a lot of money to God. I know thats not impossible for Him. And I even came up with some pretty awesome scenarios for Him of how He could provide $2300... you know those fall of the back of the truck kind of answers?

Let me go there for a moment...
Do you remember in Childrens Church the story of the family that had nothing, not even a loaf of bread left, and then around the bend a bread truck comes and it just happens that a bunch of loaves fall out the back of the truck and God answers the prayers of the family. Or what about the stories you hear where a missionary needs $10,000 and then they go to the letterbox and theres a cheque for $10000 anonymously given. I love those stories. Ive spent a lifetime hanging off those stories and I probably will till the day I die because thats the God I know and love. He is faithful!!

So you bet ya that I had a whole script written for how God can provide $2300. Here I was trying to pray and Im telling God "oh well you know that Bonus Bonds money, well you could just let me win next month, and it could just happen to be $2300 and that would be so cool! Or wait, you could just have us sell something and we get exactly $2300 for it.

I know I know, my faith reeks of immaturity sometimes. But truly, this was Mrs. Fleur Cahills internal dialogue in prayer time.

And then I picked up the Bible and read Galations 5. "What is important is faith expressing itself in love."

God had a conversation with me He's had a few times now.
"Fleur, you are FULLY RESOURCED for everything I am asking of you right now". Stop and insert your own name and say that back to yourself.

Because we live in a world, in a Christian environment where its tempting to always be looking for the upgrade, the where its happening, the amazing study. And none of these things are bad, they really aren't. In fact, often they are pretty awesome.

However, in looking for the upgrade, we can often miss "what is important".

Operating from a position of realising were FULLY RESOURCED changes everything. Why? Because when you're sitting with the knowledge that God has and will give you all the grace, energy, strength, provision to accomplish His calling on you, it results in action in the now. Its not dependent on whether or not the things YOU perceive you need will arrive, be it a conference, a car, a room or a position. Like dye seeping into fibres, that calling in you will find a way to penetrate the environment regardless.

Have you seen those sort around you?

I have a friend like that. She felt called into Childrens ministry. Well in truth, she just loved kids. She has a bundle of her own but when you wanted to find her in Church, she was in the childrens ministry room.. doing what she loved. Eventually a position became available which she didn't apply for, because it didn't cross her mind... till someone in the childrens ministry team told her she should, so she did. After a few interviews, she was in the childrens ministry room one Sunday and someone said to her "Oh Im sorry you didn't get the job". Her heart sunk. Guess what she did.. served anyway. NOTHING could stop her heart from doing what God had called her to do. The next day she found out she actually did get the job. It was wrong information but oh, what a test huh?!
UNSTOPPABLE!!!
And oh man, she is dynamic in that room and the energy and love that she has for the kids! But if you meet her, you won't be wowed by her position or impressed by her attributes. She's beautiful. But she possesses a beauty that expresses itself in eyes full of tears when you mention something that hits close to her heart. It expresses itself in a smile so warm, that your kids will feel Jesus regardless of the challenges going on in her world.

You want to prove your love is genuine? Let the obstacles and disappointments and things that you dont have be the vehicle by which you love even more. Let the lack be the place where God can shine. Let Him trust you with the little and watch Him grow the great.

If you're like me, and praying about the next thing... remember what is important. Galations 5. Thank God that He has given you everything you already need to love and serve Him and get on doing that which He has already asked of you. He will take care of the rest.... and the script?.... Well that will be nothing like you imagined and will have Gods original glory stamped all over it.

Goals 2015....

In the past few months God has really encouraged me to be my husbands best financial asset. That has been a marriage long goal of mine. Every year, at the top of my New Years Resolutions #Be my husbands best financial asset. Right under #1. Know my maker more. Last year I didn't even bother with writing that resolution list out.. I just rolled my eyes at myself "same list again huh?".
Now Im going to realistic here and point to the fact that I know Im not ridiculous with our finances either. I homeschool and I dont expect a lot of me time. I dont consider myself high maintenance. I like to look nice and I like to find a bargain. But from one month to the next, I really didn't know what the picture looked like overall.

For a while now, Ive felt a sense that God is drawing us deeper into His purposes and to, well, plan.
Thats kind of hard when you dont exactly know what you're planning for (and Im really not being mysterious or allusive here). But I had that prompting one day recently to get serious about it. In prayer, in purpose, in seeking, in planning, in being wise.

So I kept Sam amused late one night.. going through invoices and statements with the mission of knowing where every dollar was being spent... with thoughts such as "I spent HOW MUCH on food that week?" and then I came up with a budget to save money.

So far, its working absolutely fantastic. Ive become the budget queen. If the kids start asking me for things, I pull up the budget.. "see here, that fund is empty right now".. they get it. More importantly, Im learning a heap on the way! And most importantly.. my hubby thinks Im fantastic! :P. Heres some of my tips:

Have a long term goal: I have numerous.. I even have a little account for one of them where I tuck $10 away per week. When Im weighing up on spending on things a little more pricey, holding it up against my goals really helps. For instance, this week I so wanted to get a new running jumper. I also wanted to get a new pair of walking shoes. I decided the jumper wasn't that important next to my goal but decided on the shoes because I know as a mum on the go, I will wear them comfortably a lot.

Be in the office: This is Sams domain, but God told me to just offer, once a week, to help out. Sam was so blessed by that! I knew it was God because at the same time, he told me, to help Sams office a place of blessing, to put some plants there etc. Later that evening, Sam came out to me and said "I think I need to make my office a nicer place to be" and I was able to say "Yeah, God told me that too!". It was pretty cool!

Dont under budget for groceries: This is usually where all my past budgets have come undone. I like eating healthy and healthy isn't cheap. So I set a realistic figure, $300 per week. For a family of 7, one in nappies, Im finding this totally doable.

Give!: This I know seems the opposite of logic.. but giving, I believe, not only honours God but keeps our hearts in tune with the one who provides. Dont give beyond your means however. Thats Biblical.

Keep a record: Every single dollar I spent gets recorded on my Budget app on the iPhone. Its so easy to lose track of the little amounts and the practise of keeping check is vital to managing your finances. I run my app like an envelope system as I dont like carrying around cash.

Look after you, wisely: One year I paid for a gym membership that I probably used 4 times? I was so unmotivated and without the support, I got bored. The next year I joined Dave Jaggs bootcamp and that cost me half the price.. but was an investment worth three times as much. I felt better about fitting into clothes, owned less and was more buoyant, even though I was getting up at 5:30am twice a week. You dont have to spend untold money but do prioritise looking after you.. both in terms of healthy eating and exercise. Trust me, it will save you money in the long run.

Keep a wardrobe want list: I find myself reaching for a few staple items often.. white tops, a bright coloured t shirt, a good fitting pair of jeans. Just the other day, I realised one of my favourite t's is needing to be replaced and Im looking for its identical. Popping it on a want list means Im far less likely to be distracted by on sale items that I know I won't get nearly as much wear out of. Just the other day I saw a t shirt that was blue, down to $15. I liked it.. but $15 isn't cheap if you will lose it in your wardrobe!

Buy online: I buy a lot of things online from overseas as I get so frustrated with clothing that doesn't last. Cheaper NZ brands dont hold up and to be honest, I haven't seen a significant difference in the high end labels here either. But I honestly own things in my wardrobe that I bought 10 or so years ago from UK and are still looking great. I love Next, New Look, Shein and Sports Direct mostly. I love Lorna Jane and Portmans and I try to wait till they have a sale before buying, or google search a discount code. I always find one.

Get the family on board: I set the kids up with their own bank accounts each and have a budget for their 'allowance'. Its not a right, they can earn it, if they want. They have their own cash card and they can spend what is theirs. Oh how bliss it is when they get to the toy aisle.. "mum, can I buy this?".. "do you have the money?". These have lead into awesome conversations about their long term goals too and I am watching them make wise decisions. Im so proud of them!

Bonus Bonds: I love these because once its converted, you have to apply and it takes a few days to get the cash back. It stops the impulse decision making. I have been popping these away to buy Sams Christmas Present but in the interim, the money doesnt show and its not tempting to draw or transfer on it.

These are just some of the tips Ive learnt but Id honestly love to hear more from others. Feel free to add yours!!

The Blameless Man...

"Mark the blameless man".. Psalm 37:37

I love this verse.
I love that were encouraged to 'mark' or 'note' the blameless. The ones who conduct themselves above suspicion.
Something about that really grabs with the beat of my heart.
I wonder what it would look like in our families, if we set about marking for our children, the blameless.
What people would you invite through your doors?
As a family, we've started to note them in our lives and to invite them into our home. We want to hear their testimonies. We want to hear what stories they hold, the things they won't tell without asking. Mostly we want our children to watch them. To see the pattern and rhythm of their lives. To note where they sit each week in Church. To catch their eye, engage in conversation, seek out their counsel.
We want them to be able to draw upon the example of the peace that follows them, when this crazy world throws at us so much.
We've decided to keep a little visitors journal.. The Blameless.. we call it. To record the gems they share and a photo and prayers..
Because Im convinced, that while the world may not always give them the title they are due, that we will one day find, we didn't just entertain the blameless, we also entertained angels.
And I want that kind of presence in my home. Dont you?

Lessons from a plane crash

Last night was one of those crazy nights where I just couldnt drift off to sleep.
I checked through every blog I could think of, searched for some pretty pyjamas online, had a hot drink, read some Bible verses.. but my brain just wouldnt switch off. Finally around 2:30am I fell off to sleep..
Only to be up after 7am, tired and wondering how functioning I would be.

I stood in the shower with baby Joseph, washing my hair with one hand, balancing him with the other and keeping the warm water on his back.. and all the while, I could hear the garbage truck in the distance, reminding me its rubbish day, kids up for breakfast and about ten different 'to do' flags sitting on my radar.

So off I set. I bounced into auto pilot and set about doing the tasks. With that nagging sense inside me "Where do I get off this bus?".

I dont know what bus I wanted to get off.
Definitely not the motherhood one. Or the wife one. Or the homemaker or homeschool one.

But perhaps all the other little ones.

I thought back to the night before. Sam had been at ICONZ and he usually comes home with enough time for me to run out the door and get to homegroup, late, but just in time for the study DVD. He'd got home later than usual and I was literally walking out the door, keys, study book and Joseph in arms when Tim said to me "Oh mum, are we not going to get to do our date night?". I said a quick "sorry son, lets try tomorrow" and headed for the car and as I sat there, Joseph strapped in, key in ignition, I had one of those "Fleur dont miss what matters most?!" moments and headed straight back inside for a date with my boy.

He wanted to watch Aircrash Investigations. Im going to honest. That stuff just sends me into panic attacks. I mean, heights, crashes and intense post accident analysis. He loves it. On our flights to UK, he was a running commentary of fantastic information on the planes functioning and all its potential problems. You can imagine. I made him promise not to mention or point out any funny signals, shakes, bumps, leaking gases, smells, temperature or altitude changes. And since we were flying Singapore Airlines which has a clean history, I figured we were fine.
So back to the point.
The episode he chose was one of a Singapore Airlines flight crash. Nice.
This one didnt make it off the ground.
In October 2000, headed for LA with a Typhoon moving in, the pilots prepared for take off, and made some major miscalculations. They were meant to be on runway 5L. They ended up on an adjacent runway 5R which was closed for maintenance. Unable to see due to bad weather, and ignorant of the warning flags, they hurtled down the wrong runway coliding into parked equipment. With all that fuel on board, the plain exploded into a fireball. 82 people died.

When investigators looked into how this accident happenned, the conclusion was 'Tunnel Vision'. There were plenty of red flags: Runway signs saying 5R that they drove past, their instruments werent aligned to the runway beacon at take off, poor visibility... they were all ignored. The report came back that " Upon entering the wrong runway, the flight crew had neglected to check the paravisual display (PVD) and the primary flight display (PFD), which would have indicated that the aircraft was lined up on the wrong runway. According to the ASC, these errors, coupled with the imminent arrival of the typhoon and the poor weather conditions, caused the flight crew to lose situational awareness and led them to attempt to take off from the wrong runway."
And it caused fatalities.

So mid morning, today, as I talked with mum about my sleepless night and the whirl of thoughts in my head.. I just found myself thinking back to the documentary and realizing what an important message there is in it, for me.

One of the biggest flags the pilots ignored, was that their instruments didnt line up on the runway. There is a beacon at the end of the runway that when the plane is lined up correctly, places its co ordinates as centre. They were off to the left that night. Because they were on the wrong runway.

Heaven knows, I find myself lined up on the wrong runway far too often.
As I thought back to my sleepless night, I saw the real issue. The beacon was blinking at me off to one side, and sure I know Im not 'centred'.. but theres a storm going on outside, a perfect storm of a full schedule, mountains of activities, friendships, phone calls, and appointments.

Then theres the fact that no barriers were put on the runway to indicate it was closed. The green lights were still flashing down the centre of the runway! You know, often the green lights for go are still flashing on my 'in maintenance' runway too. And Im needing to put some NO GO barriers in place. My diary looks kind of empty, the green lights are all blinking "its fine here".. but really, there just isnt enough emotional energy in me to give out. Or more frankly to the point.. theres probably enough to be kind and gracious to those outside the family.. and when they leave, it will be the kids who put up with a weary mummy and usually, a mess to help clear up.

What I knew I needed was, like those pilots, some situational awareness:

Dont let the storm rule your choices:
*Im not called to be ALL THINGS right now. It is full on right now. But Im first and foremost, wife and mum. And mostly, if Im honest, thats all I have time for. Friendships, 'ministry', anything else thats an outpouring.. is not my priority right now. And as much as I wish I could explain it to people, I cant. I dont owe them an explanation. But I can model to them right choices. Mostly Im modeling them to my children.

*Keep good signals with the 'control tower':
Stay in the Word, keep wisdom close and if in doubt, go back to the wise ones and their words. I read Proverbs every day. Even just one verse. It really is like my 'homing' signal. Also, my mum and a dear friend Robyn, are two women, whose counsel goes through my mind daily. I often make my bed and hear Robyn saying "Just love your family Fleur, everything else can wait" and when the phone is ringing and Joseph is crying I hear mum saying "Just love your children Fleur, they matter most".

*Put up some boundaries:
You may look like your coping well and theres green light flashing down your runway, but that doesn't mean you need to take on. Im terrible at this. I feel like I get a grip on my schedule and that Im relaxed, and in my relaxed state I think "oh yes, I can do that small thing" and then later regret it! What areas of your life do you need to put 'in maintenance'? I don't do any ministry things at Church, Im not on any rosters or meal programmes. Every now and then I might do one, but not often. My home group leader knows I'll be at group, if I can make it. I try and keep my schedule thin. I don't welcome drop in visitors and my door isn't open all the time. I dont have a lot of time for friendships. Im often looking for ways to manage mess better, declutter more etc.
One area that Im having to work on, is that when guests do come, often toys and food will get pulled out and guests will leave and a tidy up is necessary. It doesnt come naturally to me, but Im having to learn to say "food only at the table please" and "lets put away the toys all together"... because you know what, the truth is, if I dont, its my kids who have to pick it all up or watch mummy rush around and do it and get tired.

*Dont ignore the red flags:
The little warnings, physically and emotionally, that your lined up on the wrong runway. Lift your head for a moment and do a quick check. Who are you trying to please? Man? or God?

*Line yourself up central on the beacon:
Yesterday one of my best buddys asked me if she could give some fabric to a friend of hers in need. I handed over a bundle, willingly, and at the time, was thinking how I am just so overwhelmed and wont have time to sew for a decade. But in the middle of the night, failing to find pyjamas online for any decent price, I remembered I had the perfect fabric Id brought, a beautiful Amy Butler floral print, that Id intended to make a dress out of... but was never going to get around to doing. Pyjamas would be the perfect easy project for the fabric. Far less time consuming yet so enjoyable. And whats more, my sweet hubby had already paid for the fabric so it wouldnt cost him. ONLY, Id given that fabric to my friend.
Being the gracious soul she is, I quickly asked for it back and explained and she was a honey and understood.

I know thats just a small thing, but really, it exemplifies the kind of decisions I make, when Im stuck in tunnel vision. My "overwhelmed" state, I say yes to things that arent my best yes. I look back and think "I cant believe I made that decision in that headspace".
It was a lesson to me not to say 'yes' to anything, when I know Im tired. Its okay to say 'let me get back to you'. It doesnt mean I cant offer anything, but honestly, God might actually have a better blessing for that woman from a different source.
On a runway, a plane has a taxi proceeder before take off called LUAW: Line up, and wait... or position, and hold. Boy could I learn something from that. Take a moment to follow your decision through. See yourself down that runway, near take of.. are you still lined up with the beacon? Or is your decision sitting a little off to the left or right of it? When youve made that decision: HOLD. Just wait. You will likely never make a good decision if its a rushed decision. Pray about it, even the small decisions, because we serve a HUGE God and He is able to orchestrate the BEST when our heart is to please Him.

Dear Joseph..

You are 11 weeks old.
11 weeks of divine. And I am smitten.

Tonight I tried to tidy up your change table and drawers a little bit.
Truth is; all your clothes at the moment are sitting on your change table. Because going into your drawers means I have to move out the sweet wee oufits you were in summer and admit, that you might have outgrown them some. I popped a few things to one side, ready to store, and that made me want to cry.
Im sure hormones have a lot to blame for this. And I truly am so glad you are growing so healthy and strong. Thriving. The Doctor said you were the model baby.
You are.
But my mother heart is falling to pieces.

And there's the irony of it all.
We had you, because you were a gift from God, the enlarging of our hearts. I guess I naively thought you would fill a little gap. I did not expect you'd tear apart the borders completely. And in the most loveliest of ways.

I smell you every morning and night, just to try and memorize that forever. Nate leaned in and whispered to me today "I love the way Joseph smells". It was a confession of sorts. In case I wondered why he sometimes just breathes you in. I whispered back "me too".

Ive been holding your head in my hand this past week wondering when did it become more firm? When did your wee fingers get dimples? When did your nose crease, smooth out? When did you go cross eyed, for the last time? It all changes so fast. And being that it all goes so fast, I feel set on holding you and snuggling you every possible moment.

In the supermarket today, you were having the sweetest conversation with me, gazing into my eyes, so while I lined up in checkout we chatted and the world may as well have stopped. I looked up to see the ladies around me, staring at me, staring at you. I felt like asking them to grab me a chair while I sat down and told you how I just so love you. I think they probably would have. But instead their eyes spoke back to me what I already knew "such precious moments go so fast..".

Come dinner prep time, I popped you in the front pack and enjoyed the way you feel as I gently swayed about the kitchen, preparing vegetables with your sleepy warm body against mine. You woke up just as daddy came home, so he got to see the way you stare so adoringly into the depth of me, with eyes for no one else. I love that you do that. That you know me. That I know you.
Its just one big love fest here with you, sweet boy.

So.

Back to 11 weeks.
Milestones:
Youve always slept awesomely. Still do. Definitely being more wakeful in the day now, though I cant complain. Youre doing about 8-9hrs each night. This is the stuff of baby legends. Ironically, I couldnt care less. I can count on one hand the nights youve woken for feeding and Ive minded.
You smiled from, like, WAY young.. and now your giggling too. And today I swear you said "mum". Okay, maybe it was a bit of a coincidence, but still, lets just settle it that your first word was for me, deal?!
I havent actually done the whole weight and height thing. Mainly because, well, you just have to take one look at you to know youre tall, and healthy. You have a nice layer of squidge on you, and all the doctors and nurses say "aw, he's so long". Sometimes I forget how much so, but your foot length floors me. In utero, I remember tracing your foot, pressed against my belly and thinking "woah". And yup, I was right. You dont fit any of the booties. Youre already well too big for the 0-6month socks.

Anyway.
I just wanted to say Joseph, its so super awesome being your mummy. Were all so glad to have you in our family.
Love you
xxx

A ministry focussed family..

One of my favourite magazines just happens to be the Wallace Cotton home magazine. With all the inspiring magazines that are out there, this one just tickles me in the happy places. Each page represents order. Nicely folded linen. Crisp white sheets. Touches of beauty. A hint of French.
And while I recognise its an elusive dream to hope it all will just always look that way, I keep the magazine on display on the bottom shelf of our buffet unit in my dining room, because just its cover inspires me to hold a standard of beauty in our home.

In a very real way, thats often been the means by which Ive coped with the day to day. Especially as a homeschooling mum.

You see, much of my time as a mother is spent in the seemingly mundane, as Im sure many of you can relate to.
Washing, dishes, training, playing, character building, nursing, cooking, reading, maths and picking up lego from all sorts of places. There are days its all just hard work. Messy, unglamorous and outright exhausting. The house falls apart. The rooms are far from orderly. The kids are needing lots of attention, cuddles, order, and an ever present eye and ear and I, quite honestly, would like to curl up and go to sleep on the couch. Especially with my newborn son.

And while I know there are all sorts of great placards I could put on our walls such as "Good mums have sticky floors, piles of laundry, dirty ovens and happy kids"... I'm not convinced that I believe that to be true.

I think its possible, in fact, healthy, for there to be order AND happy kids.

I know personally, I function far better when peace and cohesion reign in the walls, even if it takes a bit of effort to get the kids involved. So while we are the journey to learning how to work together as a family, to keep and create a home of beauty, I often remind myself why.
Its the why, I think that matters most. I believe, having a healthy mindset on keeping a home, makes all the difference when the housework is falling apart and when it all looks just amazing.

For me, the key has been to discover Gods heart for our home. To recognise the purpose for which He has given us these walls, this space, these children.... and the answer is; to please Him.

As simple as that sounds, its been so hugely freeing. Holding my home and schedule to His standard has only served to bring a greater joy into my life. And I am recognising that when we walk and work in our homes, to bring Him pleasure, that our homes can function as a place of ministry.

On this journey, Ive found and gleaned so many wonderful tips to creating a home that functions that way. We are a work in progress but I can honestly say, its a joy to watch our children learn the blessing of Gods best design. Yesterday, our 8yr old got the opportunity to work alongside his daddy, filling holes to prepare the walls for painting. Its a small skill, but it takes precision and an eye for detail. Hubby came home with nothing but praise for the accurate attention to detail and commitment to stick at the job. And all the while, our son had the joy of knowing he was achieving excellence in a 'real mans world'. Its these sort of opportunities that we can create, to teach our children about the character of Christ.

Where does that heart attitude stem from? In just the small and most insignificant of jobs. Such as, as a mere three year old, picking up the toys and popping them away in the right box, or as a four year old, learning to fill the toilet roll holders with paper that opens from the right way, and hangs down the right side of the wall. Or as a five year old, to clean a toilet in a way that reflects not just hygiene, but a note of dignity and care.

They are, as I say, the mundane things. The tiny and time consuming tasks which quite frankly, are far easier as a mother to do ourselves, then to teach. Yet when we take the time to instruct them in the art of creating beauty in the home, we are teaching them SO much. Challenging though it is, the key to teaching these things well, lies in our own heart attitudes as mummies as of these children. Thats *really* where true beauty lies.

Here are some practical tips Ive learnt along the way:

*Enjoy work and play.
This is something my husband has worked to instill into our children from such a young age. Work is a joy, and so is play. That kind of joy is contagious. We can choose our attitude whatever the task at hand, including the mundane moments of motherhood. I will never forget hearing Rosie Boom talk about homeschooling, to work hard, and then to play. Thats a Godly order and the truth is, isn't play so much more fun, when you can rest knowing the work is complete?! Things like reading a chapter of a great book together after morning chores are finished, or lighting the candles around the home, when its all cleaned up at night, are simple joys which reward a task well done and reinforce the value of work and play.

*Turn on some happy music.
A sweet sound in the house to hum along to, really helps you as a mum to not deliver orders with military tone and a frustrated spirit.

*Theres joy in variety.
I delegate four jobs to each child each morning and they change each day. If I know one of them are particularly tired or flat, I'll often choose them a job thats actually therapeutic. It might be dusting the lounge suite, so they can wipe it down and be close to the music, or making some biscuits with me, or washing the outside window down with the hose. Today I was teaching Amy how to clean a handbasin and I realised that she was sluggish. So I set her loose with a small tub of baking soda and a toothbrush, and had her scrub and smear that everywhere. Then she had the joy of spraying on the water/ white vinegar mix which set of a fun fizzing reaction. Science and housework all in one ;)

*Pick real jobs.
I used to follow a housework schedule, but the reality is, that mess is unpredictable. As life is. I ditched that and instead every morning I do a quick walk around the house and note what truly needs to be done. I dont make the kids clean, just for cleaning sake. Funny enough, we are never short on jobs to do however. Today, for example, Nate cleaned the washing machine filter. Tim emptied the car. Ben put random toy objects in right places and Amy swept the bugs out of the corner of our outside entrance. Other jobs that are real, are picking flowers for vases, spraying shoe deodoriser in all the boots and sneakers in the shoebox, or I let them decorate a room up. Our bathroom and bedroom has never looked so good as the times that Ive left them to it and said "can you make this place look nice" and entrusted the task to them.

*Choose one area a day.
I often just pick one drawer, one cupboard or one room that is vexing me, and ask myself "what can I do to make it beautiful here?". And then while the kids are cleaning their designated areas, I attack that space. Often I will get the kids to help me out too as Ive found children are far better at not making disarray of something they've helped tidy up. Yesterday it was the sock drawer and today it was the kitchen bench. Dont bite of large bits. Keep it small and simple.

*Invest in baskets.
We have baskets all around the home for everything. Not the plastic tub sort, although we have a few see through ones for construction toys, but I opted for nice ones that I don't mind to have on display. I often have a basket by the stairway simply for those 'bits and bobs' that randomnly find their way into my kitchen and at the end of the day, have the kids take these things and put them away. It helps to have a place for everything, and everything in its place. It also helps to keep stuff to a minimum, including toys.

*Use the time to chat to them.
Job time is a great time to get to know your kids hearts more. Instead of telling them how to clean the handbasin, come along side them and just start quietly scrubbing one small area and just be there. often I will just quietly hum and wait for them to start talking. Its funny how when they have the chance to talk, they will often take a little more time to care and you get the joy of having greater insight into whats going on in their lives.

*Create beauty everywhere.
This is something my mum is SO good at. She is one of those people that just leaves a sparkle on everything she does. Washing folded by her, seems to feel softer. The kitchen glows a bit brighter. The carpet feels more fluffy. She arranges things in a way that makes you want to sit down and stay a little while. She also achieves this making her own cleaning products that smell lovely and won't make you sick and has a simple solution to most problems that doesn't involve a load of money. I tend to be more minimalistic than her, however, Ive learnt from her so many ways to make things, just, well, lovely. A small example would be my breakfast buffet unit. I do not like cereal boxes. So instead, I ordered three large jars with sealed lids, and three scoops to sit inside each one, and have these on display on the buffet unit beside our table. From time to time, I would think that it looked just a little stark. One day mum popped in and slid a table runner she had made underneath it.. a burlap strip with a lace band in the middle... and suddenly, it looked complete. Not just complete. But beautiful. Because it looks special, the kids are careful to not spill their cereal all over the place, when getting breakfast in the morning. Beautiful places elicit us to take more care, be more mindful, present and peaceful and its an art we need to cultivate. Flowers are pretty much my favourite way of creating beauty instantly and I love to purchase a bunch from time to time and separate them out into small vases spread through the bathroom, laundry and bedroom. Just this week I let my little Amy choose one flower from the florist for her bedroom. She chose a pink Gerbera for $5 and I asked them to sprinkle it with glitter. We popped it into a blue mason jar fitted with a zinc sipper lid (less likely to topple and spill). Such a simple thing added feminine sweetness to her room and has encouraged her to take a bit more care in the mornings to make her bed, open her curtains and tidy her 'treasures'.

*Ask for help.
Im great at being efficient, I can hold colour in my memory well and juggle a lot of balls. But I am not good at administration. I also sometimes get lost by the issue right under my nose and miss the point. Asking help has often given me a solution that is far better. For instance, just last week I rang my mum frustrated. My 4 year old daughter is tidy with her things, most days, however for months, whenever she had friends to visit, it would inevitably involve that items would be pulled down from her wardrobe, clothes strewn everywhere, hair-ties and jewellery pulled out and it would be a major tidy up job for this mummy at the end of the day. I knew I couldnt keep this up with a baby, so I rang my mum. Lost in the details as to what possesses girls to tip the entire contents out of all baskets, I missed what my mum saw quite obviously: That they were playing dress ups and without clear boundaries. Mums practical suggestion was to create a dress up box, and to even have a mirror, with jewellery and bits and bobs that belong all in one place. Only things in that box come out. Then when its tidy up time, everything can go back in the box. It seemed so plainly obvious when talking to someone else.
In the past, Ive solicited help in many ways. Getting someone in to read to the children, while I cleaned, or sorted some space. Paying a dear friend to sort a cupboard that I know she could do so much better than I could or just unloading some worries I have about the smaller issues of life to a mentor, so I could see what really mattered most.

Sibling Relationships

Any typical day in our family involves quarrels, unkind words, fights over toys and reminders of whats right and wrong.
Thats the normal.
Thats also the changing normal.

You see, for the longest time, I've wondered, can you really teach siblings to be each others best friends?
Can you really have them treasure one another?
Can they really form life long friendships?

I know its possible as my brothers and I love each other dearly, and I can tell you, they've been fiercely defensive of me and equally as treasuring. And I happen to think they are the best brothers that I could ever have.

But it wasn't always that way.
I was a pain of a little sister and my eldest brother and I fought a lot growing up. At least till they were old enough to demand my respect. And even then, I kept myself distanced, secretly wanting their approval, but to cool for that.

I distinctly recall however, that at some point, my brothers broke through that shell with their affection. It didnt matter if it was cool or not to show affection to your sister and perhaps, I grew old enough to leave their stuff alone?.. but "go away" was replaced with "sweetie" and "hun" and I glowed under the endearing terms which they lavished on me.
I still do.

So watching my kids interact, Im so aware of how words can make a world of difference and attitude can mean so much.
And with three boys so close in age, especially, Ive held my breath as to whether or not, they would be each others friends.

Until recently.
I realised the role I have as a mother, to train them to be. To teach them what it means. To help them see the blessing they have in each other.

Baby Joseph was a significant part of that journey. His presence brought a dimension to our home, a place to lavish our affections. My boys don't hesitate to smother him in cuddles, kisses, hugs and tender words. Daily his giggles (and odd cry) bring a gathering of three devoted brothers (and a sister) to his side, eager to love on him, and eager to be loved. They ask me "do you think he loves me?" and "do you think he knows me?". Oh yes! I reply, over and over. And then I remind them how significant they are in his life. And how he will always look up to them. And how he will want to be like them. And how he will cry when they leave home.

As these conversations happened, I began to think more and more, how wise it is to invest purposefully into teaching our kids to be each others best friends.
And as the weeks have passed, Ive rejoiced to see hearts soften, attitudes change and a tone come into our home that blesses me.

Just the other day, my son was explaining to his friend why he was doing something for his brother, and the visitor said "oh I wish our family did that, Id love my brother to do that for me".. and I thought how affirming it was, to the need of each one of us, to be loved. Especially by our siblings.

The wisdom in getting there, is not my own. Its been a journey and I have gleaned from some amazing sources.
But here is what I know works:

*Teach them the significance of their role.
The eldest sets the mark. Its a responsibility and a privilege. I remind my eldest often how much his younger siblings look up to him, and how important it is to be tender with them and earn their respect. I also remind them how to correct in an encouraging and positive way, rather than a lording way, and to report quickly back to a parent when they won't listen.
Teach the younger ones to show deference, teachability and to make good appeals. Its a quality of the second, third born, etc.. to sure know how to wind up the older ones, to resist their correction and to remark "you're not the boss". They need a voice, but they also need to learn to heed correction as good. We talk often about having a teachable spirit, not fighting against someone who shows you 'blindspots'.
Theres examples everywhere of people who can back up your stories.. for good and for bad.. and we talk openly about both.

*Protect their time with each other.
Its good for kids to have other friends, but its not high priority in our home. We rarely separate them off to other friends and try to discourage 'one on one' friendships. They each have a 'dear friend' they love being with, and we don't mind that at all. But we try to include family in relating to those people.

*Watch Heart Attitudes.
Resentment can easily build up when offences aren't rightly handled. It doesn't work to just make kids say sorry to each other, but not deal with core issues. We frequently stop and assess whats going on inside their hearts, and how its coming through in their attitudes to one another. It takes time, and energy, to go down into the deep stuff but its worth it.

*Play with them.
As a parent there is always so much to be done. Im often tempted to say "go play together" and hope they will run off and find Lego, while I sit and read a book Ive been wanting to read all week. As a mum, I rarely get down time, and 'free play' is a tempting time to slot in a coffee and the chance to zone out. It also happens to be the time that they most likely fight with each other.
It takes a great deal of discipline to say "hey, why dont we pull out Boggle" and play it with them. Or draw with them. Yet when I take an interest in what they are playing, it pulls them together and also makes them appreciate one another.

*Keep Routine.
Kids without order, fight. Ive found if you give a kid too much 'free time', they get bored, irritated, and cantankerous. Ask any mum on school holidays. I don't make my kids work all day, but keeping a schedule, maintains a sense of order that ministers peace into the home. It doesn't need to be implemented with strictness, but rather function like a happy hum through the home.

*Get them to serve one another.
I listened to a fantastic message recently that suggested a different idea for each day of the week, in loving each other. We put it in place and every evening around the dinner table, talk about it. It's simple things: Learning to encourage, serve, pray, give and prefer one another above themselves. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it is to watch them practise these things and to see the joy it adds. I love watching them at the supermarket, choose something to surprise a sibling with, or noticing something in their sibling that they haven't noticed before.. and it sure does encourage us as parents, to remember to show appreciation and love to our own families also.

*Pray.
There are fantastic ideas, wisdom and strategies you can implement to encourage sibling relationships, but the change happens in the heart. Corrie Ten Boom wrote in her book about her experience in the Nazi concentration camp of a time in the barracks when all the prisoners were fighting and arguing and contention reigned through the cramped and horrible sleeping arrangements. Her and her sister Bettie prayed, and the Spirit of God brought peace across the whole place. Laughter and politeness replaced the harsh words and order came into the place. God can change hearts when we pray and ask Him to fill our home. And I can vouch, time and time again, He has come through for me. And will for you.

For posterity sake...

A look at a typical daily routine for me right now:

Around 7:30am. Wake up with Joseph giving us some serious grins and needing a feed. I spend some morning time in bed with him. Sam usually gets a little amount of time to enjoy all those grins before he heads off to work.

8am. Admit that Josephs nappy needs attention. Shower myself and him at the same time.. or just do a top and tail wash and get him decent for the morning.
Throw on some clothes and go downstairs where we get greeted by "oh hellow Jo-suf" and three boys come in for the kill... okay well actually just the snuggles. I hand him over and get to steal him back if he grunts, needs winding or a wants a top up.

8:30am. Have some breakfast. These days its oats and healthy toppings. Or a smoothie. Or if Im lazy, a piece of toast with marmite. Throw that down and make some attempt to hit chores.. clean up kitchen, put a load of washing on, pull out something for dinner, check the diary, clean out bins and make a mental note of how many corners of the house Id like to attack. Choose one.

9am. Get boys onto schoolwork. We usually start the day with scripture. These days the boys choose their own proverb for the day. While they are writing and illustrating, I get Joseph to sleep and sort Amy some breakfast and get her hair done.

10am. Set boys next task.. writing.. then race upstairs and make my own bed, throw on some make up and while Im doing that, meditate on my scripture for the day, as well as do my Caroline Leaf Brain Detox.

10:30am. Set boys up on quiet reading and reading to Amy. Do a quick tidy up, upstairs. Lay out Amys clothes for following morning.
About 3-4 times a year I do a wardrobe sort on each of the kids wardrobes. I keep them pretty slim line and choose co ordinating colours amongst them so they can grab one thing, and generally it wont clash with another. So at the moment, I also take ten to 15 minutes in one wardrobe and do a quick sort.. pull out things that are too small, note any things I need to buy and set aside anything that needs some stain/ iron attention.

11am. Morning Tea time.
I pop out a plate of rice crackers and almonds, and another one of chopped peach and a sprinkle of dark chocolate buttons and some yoghurt for kids. I make myself a herbal tea, and start soaking some dates because Im out of my latest go to snack.. bliss balls/ energy bites etc.. so instead eat a piece of sourdough wholegrain toast, munch a couple of almonds and hang out the washing. Grab in the dry washing. While Im folding it, and sipping on a peppermint tea, and theyre munching, I talk with the kids about whats on their minds.

11:30am. Its science time but today Nate is writing a book about his friend who is partially blind and how he has found ways to help him.. but also, how his friend has been a help to him. I quietly thank God that they have each other. I wonder if this little friend of his knows how much I see the blessing in him and the blessing he is to us. Ben wants to write a book about Spying. I let him run with the inspiration. Tim is reading, again. Always reads. I steal him away from his book and set him up with his science, Flying Creatures. Amy has snuck off and put on Mickey Mouse on the tv with the headphones. I grab some books out to read her, and her phonics lessons, and spend some time with her. Then I set her up on some jolly phonics activity sheets.

12pm. Race upstairs and pop some washing away and while there, do a quick wipe down of the upstairs bathroom. Order some thank you cards to send out, from Josephs birth.

12:30pm Nate starts making lunch for the kids. This is his responsibility each day.

12:45pm Joseph wakes up. I feed him one side and enjoy sitting and chatting with him while the kids eat lunch. When Ive finished feeding Joseph, and given him a nappy change I grab a moment to have some lunch too. On Sundays and Wednesday nights I make Mason Jar Salads which are proving to be ridiculously fantastic. It takes a little prep.. cook some quinoa and brown rice, roast some vegetables and then cool and assemble into jars with fresh vegetables and rocket etc. But the effort is worth it. So I throw one of these into a bowl and down it with a big glass of water. And chat to Joseph in between mouthfuls.
While the kids are talking to him, I pop another load of washing out on the line and throw a few more things into the machine. I usually do about three loads a day. A light, a dark, and a towels/wipes/cloths load.

1:30pm. I get the kids into their maths and answer questions while snuggling Joseph. I quickly download Reading Eggs on the ipad for Amy and get her set up on phonics work to match her learning this morning.

1:50pm Joseph is getting grizzly so I wrap him up and pop him into his bed. He's asleep 2 minutes later.

2pm. The house feels quiet! The kids are doing their work so I set about draining the dates and making the bliss balls. I so need a decent food processor! This takes ages cause the mix slides up the side of the bowl rather than staying where the blade is. After quite some effort, theyre done. I get clever and do a diy raw chocolate coating on them. Then I make some roast red pepper hummus.. in between I field questions about maths, jolly phonics and what Im making.

2:45pm. Take advantage of said hummus and devour some on a piece of sourdough. I make a mental note to hunt down some nice jars. My 'health corner' of the pantry has slowly taken over to half the space. Legumes, pulses, nuts, seeds, quinoa and brown rice and things like that seem to form the basis of my diet these days. It wasn't planned. I had every intention of dropping said "health freak" stuff when Joseph was born but tastebuds change, I guess, and I just feel SO good and excited about eating right. My body likes it.
Clear up kitchen again and wish I could get SO excited about that. Not so much.

3:15pm. Set kids on next learning tasks, language. Try and tidy up dining room/ lounge area.

3:45pm. Make myself a Decaf coffee and sit on the couch with a bliss ball in hand. Read some Proverbs.

4:10pm. Head off out the door to take Tim to choir. Go and swap a pair of shoes while we wait for him.

5:30pm Pick him up, come home and feed Joseph. Do a nappy change which quickly becomes a bath job. Have a bath with him and set the boys up on a game.

6pm. Finally heat up some dinner. Thankfully an easy night.. leftover Welsh Cawl from the night before. Sam is out for the evening doing some work. Its grumpy hour for Joseph. Throw the dummy in his mouth and walk around with him for a while.

7pm. Take Amy upstairs while still bouncing Joseph and get her teeth brushed and into bed. Cuddle her. Settle Joseph some more.

7:30pm. Joseph and Amy down. Joseph wakes up a few minutes later with a windy tummy. Resettle him. Get Ben and Nate into bed.

8pm. Go back downstairs and realize Im craving coffee. Make myself a super healthy warming drink instead (beetroot, apple, carrot, raspberries, blueberries and cinnamon. Cook up some kumara while Im there for my Mason Jar salads.

8:30pm. Sit down to watch a little bit of Anne of Green Gables with Tim for a date night, complete with some hummus and carrot sticks.

9pm. Send Tim to bed. Late night for him.. I carry on watching Anne..

10pm. Sam comes home and sits and watches the end with me "Are you crying?" he asks... of course not.

10:30pm. Crash into bed vowing to smile more and see the positive in all the EGR people in my life. Fall asleep.

12pm. Nurse Joseph.

4am. Nurse Joseph again. Snuggle him till dawn while snoozing cause he's delicious.

And there you have it!!

Joseph... his story and his name.

Ive been itching to write this precious journal post.
It feels a bit sacred, and so Ive not rushed to do it.. but kept it hidden in my heart in its entirety. Till now.

A year ago pretty much to the day that Joseph was born, I sat in the kitchen in the quiet, praying through some struggles. I had my Bible in one hand, my heart open, and tears on my cheeks.. and all my insecurities laid bare before Him.

As I prayed them through, God spoke to me "I have given you a soft heart because I have called you to work with children". I knew that. A flashback across the course of my life would reveal many a moment where my love of children and my call to them was confirmed and ignited. Even from a tiny little girl.

I allowed myself to consider what that calling might look like in the here and now. Orphans? Adoption? ... and then God gave me a verse:

"I run in the path of your commands, for you shall enlarge my heart". Psalm 119:32.

I meditated upon that: That when we run in obedience to God, he enlarges the capacity of our hearts, beyond what is natural to ourselves. We are literally made for more, when we follow Him.

The next verse that jumped out at me was Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him"... Psalm 128:3 "Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table".

My heart beat inside me as I considered that He was going to increase us, and gift to us another child. I knelt, yielded my desires to Him and prayed that if that were His will, He would also reveal it to Sam. I was honest as I shared my heart with Sam. Id be lying if I didn't say how the weight and responsibility sat upon Him. Also the small yet practical 'complications'.. the car seating arrangement, the fact that there are 6 chairs around the table we bought as newlyweds 'for life' and our new carpet, with no baby spill stains. Small things? You could say yes on one hand. But for us, and especially for Sam, they were real.

Yet despite them, he also saw the value of another little life in our precious family and God confirmed it to us in some precious little ways.
As we prayed God gave me a dream, two in fact. I dreamt we had a girl and I also dreamt we had a boy. I kept the dreams a secret in my heart and tried to make sense of them. They were two very different dreams. My little girl had an ethereal presence about her that I struggled to identify. Whereas the dream of my boy felt grounded.

Shortly after, we discovered we were pregnant. I still remember taking the test, seeing the pregnancy test negative and saying to Sam "hmm, something is not right with my body".. and then slowly seeing it turn positive. The next day I started bleeding and that evening went and had a bath. As I lay in the bath, the Lord whispered to me "She is with me". I knew she was in the Lords hands. Our dear and ethereal Poppy Grace Cahill.
Her little face edged upon my mind forever, and suddenly the dream made sense. Oh how I ache to trace my fingers over her delicate little face and kiss all the softness of her profile. To admire her in all her elegance and dignity. And although my grief was so very real, yet my heart burned deeper with a burning desire to love children as God loves them.. and heaven became more real.

Two weeks later, we conceived again. This time I waited till week 8 to test and then, only to be sure I wasn't going to see the midwife in vain. I knew in my heart, this was our boy!

When we went to the 20 week scan and heard that confirmed, I spent the next couple of days crying. Perhaps not for reasons that people might think. I was so excited; our beautiful little boy was up there on the screen looking just perfect. But seeing his feet reminded me of another little pair of feet I didnt get to see. Knowing he was a boy, confirmed the reality of the dreams Id had and perhaps the grief set in again.. how does the heart do that? Grieve and rejoice all at once?

As I prayed through the pain, I felt God speak to me of the promises He had for the little man that I was carrying. He truly gave me joy in my sorrow and anticipation in the place of tears, and I knew that this wee man was a very great reward and treasure that we were being entrusted with. I shared this with Sam and we began to wonder what name we should call him.

Starting with a name book would make sense. But this time we knew we needed to pray and ask God for this name. We quietly waited for Him to answer.

The answer came one night, October 16th 2014. Sam and I lay in bed and he had been looking through a book about the lineage of the Cahill Clan, called "Cahill blood" - about his forebears. One name in particular stood out to him; Joseph. Sam's great great grandfather. An amazing man who served as a Policeman and also Mayor of Poplar, London. We decided to look the name up.

Joseph: The name Joseph is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Joseph is: May Jehovah add/give increase/ enlarge.

Immediately I remembered the verse God had given me "You shall enlarge my heart"... our hearts burned with joy and we decided to lock this name away as a secret till he was born.

Joseph really is a gift of God to us. We thought our family was done at 4.. and Jehovah has given us an increase. His love enlarges both our capacity and our dreams. He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ever ask or think.

In the birthing centre, my Nana visited me. She had a special story for me. My great great grandfather was also called Joseph. He also lived in London and was a medic in the army . Is it any coincidence that our son shares his name with his great great great grandfathers on both sides?!!

What a LEGACY for our little man, and what a TREASURE for us.

Today I was lying on the couch with wee Joseph curled up on my chest asleep. I closed my eyes and breathed in the peace. As I lay there listening to the crickets sing, my boys upstairs quietly playing with lego, my daughter humming outside, my heart was hit with a wave of ache again. That quiet longing to hold time still and enjoy feeling this content, this fulfilled, this rich.. forever. I breathed in the smell of Joseph one more time, trying to memorize it. Milky, a little like a lamb, sweet and fresh, and lived in. And the thought hit me "This cant be our last!". Oh I know all the reasons it should be. My body for one, can only do so much. Yet even as the thoughts washed over me, I was reminded of Gods truth.
We don't need to lament for our past, while still in the present, because Gods still writing the future. When the pen is in His hands, He still keeps enlarging the capacity of our lives and hearts for FAR more than we could imagine.
Yes, our bodies wear out. But our hearts dont have to.
It reminded me of the call God gave to us, back a year ago, when we said 'yes' to one more: The call was this.. simply to love children, as He loves them.

Though this is likely our last baby, I know God will continue to enlarge our hearts and home to children.. as long as we walk in obedience to Him.
To that our hearts say "Yes Lord".